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Refresh, reset, move forward

Change your mindset and start the New Year right. Your 2012 commitment: Leave emotional baggage behind


“On & On” - Erykah Badu

It’s been one year.

Although, we started off slow on this Dollhouse column, introducing all sorts of topics that spurred from our reader’s questions, I hope our pieces of advice helped you in your personal growth and journey.

That was our focus in 2011.

Sarah and I met to discuss 2012. We asked ourselves, how can we take the Dollhouse column to a new level? How can we offer something even better for our readers? What many of you don’t know, a lot of the pieces of advice we rolled out are those we also had to learn and re-learn. It’s not easy taking your own medicine!

We begin this column with a breather of some sorts. No questions will be rolled out on this one, but just a few thoughts to keep in mind. As we go along on our journey in life, we want to share our experiences with you, as well.

A new year always brings a new commitment. It’s a fresh start for you to go back and analyze how to improve. I know we have our resolutions, our revolutions and our evolutions. As we shift into becoming the new and improved butterfly, are we still stuck in the caterpillar mindset?

Meaning: Do you truly, honestly move forward with faith in your heart, or do you want to move forward and still hold on to your past self?

The topic of refreshing ourselves for the New Year kept popping up several times. I’m making my own big decisions and it feels unbelievably freeing. Sometimes, I need to check myself for the amount of emotional baggage I’m carrying with me. Do you ever feel there’s a certain baggage that sometimes feels hard to let go of? Some people, myself included, find that they are still reliving one experience over and over again.

In life, we are constantly on the road to new transitions, but we dump a mix of pain, trauma, disappointment, anger, envy and drama into the bag, not thinking twice of the amount of weight we’re allotted on this life trip. Is it really necessary? Will this help you in the new phase of your life?

I’m here to stop you at the check-in counter. I have your ticket ready for your new “you,” your window seat is reserved, but here’s the catch: You can’t take the baggage with you. So right now, let it go. Let it all go!

It’s time to wipe the slate clean and allow ourselves have room for new experiences to come. The more you let go of the past with a peaceful and forgiving mindset, you are freeing yourself up to enter a new phase. And that’s growth. It’s exciting, but it takes a lot of inner work. This hasn’t always been easy for me, but I told myself I would always try my best.

So here’s to the New Year; 2012 will be amazing for you. Start with your new resolutions, but don’t forget to do the proper inner cleansing you need to feel lighter. Refresh and move forward.



“Look to your soul, not to your past.”—Aleph

“Good Life” - OneRepublic

The quote pops up on Twitter, care of Jeff Bascon, who has (much like Paulo Coelho quotes have) become a supplementary source of inspiration and support in the past months. Jeff, the brand manager of Oxygen, silent and hardworking, slow to anger, calculated but weighted with his words; a steady supporter of Vicky and I in all of our endeavors. And now stop. Caution kicks in. See, this is where I find myself jerking a little bit with hesitation because I’m not an endorser of his brand, and maybe, if I mention him or it too much, I’ll be associated with them and ruin my chances of becoming the face for another apparel line. Maybe I’ll get in trouble for mentioning a company name in this newspaper column, because it could be misconstrued as advertising. But I always do this. Feel like I’m tiptoeing, when in reality, all I really do like is to stomp.

And not in the destructive sense but in the celebratory sense. In the musical, beat creating sense. But for a fair chunk of this past year, and perhaps even the past decade of my life, I’ve been whittled down to a graceful, almost silent dancer that could give Lisa Macuja a run for her tutu. Look at me though. We all know I’m not your typical ballerina.

“Look to your soul”—the quote says. And so I do.

We’re one month into the year, and I’m still not over 2011. My knife didn’t cut me off of it clean enough, and I feel like I’m playing catch up, trying to get to the “creating resolutions” stage many of you went through weeks ago. But here’s the thing—resolutions in themselves don’t suffice in this neck of the woods. Outlook…mindsets. That’s the key.

Today, as I write this, I make a little promise to take all my past mistakes and grievances, self-battery and pain, and have a little tea party with them. One last round of reliving, of having the cake I wanted to both keep and eat thrown in my face, one last time I burn my tongue in punishment of all the untoward things I may have wanted to say. At which point I excuse myself. Pat the corners of my mouth gently with the serviette at my place setting, and step away from the pity party.

It’s time to move on. Even the most efficient and positive of my friends and family are constant works in progress, and refreshing, resetting, seems to be a magical tool that isn’t used to dismiss or erase the past, but that frees you from getting caught up in it when momentum slows. We all deserve a refresh browser button in our lives, one that is designed to adapt to a “you” that’s being constantly updated.

Hit the button. Refresh.

Reload. Live in real time. Finger on the pulse. Speak your mind, like, connect, comment.

Reciprocate, reply, repost.

Share. Forward.


Look to your soul, not to your past.

May you have the best-documented year yet.


“Good Life” – OneRepublic

“On & On” -  Erykah Badu

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Tags: Emotions , Lifestyle , Living

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