There are no mermaids—US government

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Photo dated December 19, 2008 shows Hannah the Mermaid in the Mermaid Lagoon exhibit at Sydney Aquarium. The United States government on July 3, 2012 has assured citizens that much like zombies, mermaids probably do not exist. "Mermaids -- those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea -- are legendary sea creatures," read one online statement from the National Ocean Service (NOS), generally charged with responding to "climate change and natural hazards such as hurricanes and tsunamis. "No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found," the post added. The NOS reportedly received letters inquiring about the existence of the sea maidens after the Discovery Channel's Animal Planet network broadcast "Mermaids: The Body Found" in May. AFP FILE PHOTO/Torsten BLACKWOOD

WASHINGTON—The United States government has assured its citizens that, much like zombies, mermaids probably do not exist, saying in an official post: “No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found.”

“Mermaids — those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea — are legendary sea creatures,” read the online statement from the National Ocean Service (NOS).

The agency, charged with responding to natural hazards, received letters inquiring about the existence of the sea maidens after the Discovery Channel’s Animal Planet network broadcast “Mermaids: The Body Found” in May.

The show “paints a wildly convincing picture of the existence of mermaids, what they may look like, and why they’ve stayed hidden… until now,” a Discovery Channel press release says.

Conversely, the US government declaration offered no conclusive proof to deny the existence of mermaids.

The statement comes after another government agency, this time the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), declared there was no conclusive evidence for the existence of zombies.

The CDC had published instructional materials on how to survive a “zombie apocalypse,” in what the agency now calls “a tongue in cheek campaign to engage new audiences with messages of preparedness messages.”

The campaign was followed by a series of cannibalistic attacks in North America.

In one such attack on May 26, a 31-year-old Miami man stripped naked and chewed off most of a homeless man’s face.

The Twittersphere was suddenly alive with people talking about the real and present danger of a zombie apocalypse.

The CDC was quick to respond to allegations of corpses rising from the dead to eat the living.

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead,” a government spokesperson wrote in an email to The Huffington Post.

While zombies would be a big problem, popular folklore holds that mermaids are relatively benign creatures.

But the NOS statement associated the finned friends with more threatening mythological beasts.

“Half-human creatures, called chimeras, also abound in mythology — in addition to mermaids, there were wise centaurs, wild satyrs, and frightful minotaurs, to name but a few,” it said.

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  • verna luga

    it only exist in the Philippines, Dyesebel, Aryanna … hahahahah.. this is crazy.. they made me laugh out loud so early in the morning :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/tating.perol Tating Perol

      It also exists in the US. Daryl Hannah was a mermaid, remember Splash? There were more Mermaids in the US than in the Philippines.

      So it must be true, :).

  • alazzka

    If people don’t believe that mermaids and fairies exist, they might as well don’t believe that Santa Claus exist……and that will make our existence in this world an empty one!

  • boypalaban

    ganon? walang sirena? e tikbalang, aswang, bampira, manananggal, dwende, wala rin ba talaga?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lennon-Paul/100001566616999 Lennon Paul

    ibig sabihin hindi rin totoo sina superman,batman spiderman?? waaah!

    • Ross18

      hahahaha……..good comment

    • andresa igbac

      totoo sila

  • Keith_P

    If I think there’s such a thing as mermaids, zombies, tooth fairy, Santa Claus, aliens and God, then I’ll believe what I want to believe, dammit.

  • tanga_hanga_ni_abnoy

    shokoy meron?

    • andresa igbac

      oo meron, ikaw.

  • NoWorryBHappy

    So, why is this NEWS ???

    • andresa igbac

      it’s under LIFESTYLE STORIES…didn’t you see?

    • andresa igbac

      it’s not under “NEWS,” it’s under LIFESTYLE STORIES. and anyway, it’s still “news” even if it’s under Lifestyle cuz of the huge folklore that surrounds mermaids and stuff.

  • bloodline_of_heroes

    Natural namang hindi totoo.. Imagination lang nang tao yan.. ang may purpose nito ay ilalayo tayo sa Panginoon….

  • andresa igbac

    Dyesebel powers…ACTIVATE!

  • ryan andres

    Wow…No shlt, Captain Obvious…duh!

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