How to deal with fear of rejection | Inquirer Lifestyle

How to deal with fear of rejection

Dear Dolls,

I’m a normal, average girl. I do okay in school, I have friends and family who love me. I have talents and hobbies. I’m an achiever. People say I’m pretty, too. So I shouldn’t be having a hard time being confident with a guy I like. Sadly, that is not the case.

It’s easy for me to get along with anyone, but when it comes to a guy I really like, I just crumble. I fear rejection. Even when a guy comes out of his way to make me feel special, I can’t bring myself to believe he likes me. I can’t show him how I feel. I downplayed his efforts and dismissed them as “acts of kindness”. Eventually he got tired and moved on. He’s now dating someone else.

Today he told me, I don’t take risks and I’m a “runner.” It’s sad to lose him, realizing I should have shown him liked him. I don’t know if I’m afraid of rejection or afraid of getting close to someone and being vulnerable. I don’t know how to overcome this, but I really have to. The next time I find a kind of guy like him, I might end up running away again.

-Anonymous, via Tumblr.

There will be someone that comes along that won’t get tired. Someone that will sit with you and make you feel safe. Then you will know that “like” is just a fraction of love. And that true love doesn’t fear. When you find it, you will try with all your might to run, but your legs will not cooperate.

Your logic, too, will fail you.

And it will be beautiful.

This is my shortest reply to date. It is all you need to know.

~S

Dear Anonymous,

I was reading your letter over and over trying to think of what to say. I talked to our friend Margaux about it, and asked her, “What do you think of risks?” Then she replied, “Well, if it’s a risk worth taking, then it doesn’t seem to be a risk, right? It’s just really fear.” She cleared it up for me, risks can actually be a good thing.

Let’s first separate what I mean by risks. I’m not talking about bungee jumping and blowing your entire savings at the casino––then you need to think further. I’m talking about risks that you take in life that stretch you. These risks take you out of your comfort zone and force you to do things you want to but are afraid to do.

We all encounter this in one way or another. Someone wants to leave a secure job they hate and to follow their dreams as a photographer, or risks their parent’s plans for them and decides to pursue their love for music.

In the media, there are people who risk their safe image to speak out against controversial topics. Telling someone you care about how you feel; is a risk on one way or another.

It’s important to look at the end result. Will this “risk” get your further and farther? At the end of the day, all risks can seem scary but after the jump, you realize it was just another challenge in life.

I think what most people look for is a guaranteed landing zone before they decide to jump. (I’m not exempted here. I’m still caught in situations where I’d like to do something, but I spend too much time evaluating things!)

What I’ve learned recently, sometimes you are supposed to jump not knowing where you will land. You will find yourself trusting more that the Universe/God has something great in store for you, and you get over your fear to get to the next level in life.

You mentioned your fear of rejection; but there’s no guarantee here. Conquer your fear! Don’t be scared. We’ve put our heart out on the line and it’s been sweetly accepted. Yet, we’ve also gone through heartbreak in some point our lives. That sucks too…but hey, we’ve learned!

If it’s not meant to be, then just trust that life will bring you towards the right person at the right time. No matter what, it’s your courage that you will keep with you forever.

~V

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