DEAR EMILY,

I’ve had this boyfriend of three years whom my parents don’t approve of. His family is poor, as his parents don’t have a regular source of income. He himself doesn’t have a stable job.

I have been helping him financially for two years now—something my parents don’t know about.

My mom always finds a reason to start a fight with me every time his name is brought up. I’m getting tired of it.

I agreed to this relationship because I know he is the only one who would love me truly and sincerely, even though I don’t really love him. I thought I’d learn from him eventually, but that didn’t happen.

I planned to break up with him two years ago, but I couldn’t because of pity. He would have been devastated.  He also owes me money. I thought he could pay me back once he had a job, but his loans just kept on piling up instead.

He is a very reliable and nice boyfriend. I can’t ask for anyone better. He is always there for me, but I just don’t love him anymore.

I’m just scared that I won’t be able to meet a guy I can love who is as sincere as my boyfriend. So I’m settling for him until that guy comes along. I know it’s wrong, but that’s how I feel.

SCARED GIRL

Don’t you think your relationship with this man is all for the wrong reasons?

Supporting a man because he is nice or sincere—and because no one will love you as much—is kind of pathetic. How do you know that? Have you even declared yourself available by meeting new friends or possible suitors?

How long can you keep this money train, knowing he may never be able to pay you back? This man you pity so much cannot even hold a job!

Take stock of your life and listen to your mother. She has only your best intentions at heart. You know she’s right! Who else will help you when all else fails?

And since you don’t love this guy anyway, couldn’t you donate your hard-earned money to an orphanage or a halfway house for battered women?

Divert your attention to well-deserved causes—to those who really need help. It’s such a waste throwing good money, especially to a healthy man who seems not to know where he’s going.

Stop deluding yourself that you’re helping your boyfriend—because you’re not. You’re not an NGO.

Propping him up every time he wobbles financially is not giving him the right incentive to get out of this rut he’s in.

You’re being cruel this way knowing that you will leave him sooner than later. One day he’ll just find out that you’ve left him, with not so much as a forwarding address.

Be totally honest and tell him how you feel. Break down those emotional barriers while there’s still time. Prolonging this agony will not do anybody good.

Chop off and rid yourself of that which is rotting in your life. This relationship might grow into a disease that could metastasize and bring you down with it.

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