I always tell my friends that I am fortunate and thankful to have found Marina. The blessing that she is to my life becomes part of the conversation whenever I meet up with these friends.

 

They wholeheartedly agree after noticing the changes—I look happier, healthier and (they say) younger-looking.

 

And when Marina and I are in the company of others, she talks about how lucky she is to have me. It makes me feel very good. I smile back at her, but do not voice out my own thankfulness.

 

I am not perfect, and I thought that since what I felt about her was apparent to my friends, the same feelings of appreciation and gratitude would be conveyed to others who are not so close to us. I thought that my proud smile was enough to show her and others that I was thankful for her, too. It wasn’t.

 

In retrospect, I think the smile just made me look smug, instead of thankful.

 

“Thank you.” These two words, used together, mean a lot. We hear it expressed in different ways: cheers, thanks, thanks very much, thank you very much, thanks a lot, thanks a bunch, thanks a million, much obliged, gracias, maraming salamat.

 

However it is said, thank you is used as an expression of gratitude or politeness, in response to something given or done. The concept is simple: when someone takes the time and effort to do something for you, you owe them thanks.

 

When to say ‘thank you’

 

When do we say “thank you?”  Timing is important. We should thank someone immediately or as soon as possible after they have given us a gift or done us a favor. This way, our appreciation for what they have done is closely associated with precisely what we are giving thanks for.

 

It will be confusing if you thank a person for a gift or favor that you received weeks, months (or years!) ago. They may not remember it, especially if, in that period of time, they have done more things for you. So, you should be ready to say “thank you” many times in a day, even if it is to the same person.

 

It feels good to receive thanks. Most people do things without expecting anything in return, but your thanks will be a pleasant confirmation that you appreciate what they have done.

 

In the 1990s, basketball legend Michael Jordan led his team, the Chicago Bulls, to five NBA championships. Part of his professional contract included  getting a raise.

 

The team owners and their lawyers spent long periods haggling and bargaining before paying him (with obvious reluctance) the additional millions of dollars in his paycheck. During the haggling process, they even alluded to the press that Jordan was getting too greedy.

 

Eventually he left the Bulls, and said, “A raise of only $1 would have been enough, just to let me know that they were saying ‘Thanks, we appreciate everything you’re doing for us.’”

 

Make our thankfulness known to the people who deserve it. The polite way is to send a (preferably handwritten) thank-you note. If you are not too happy with your penmanship, you can print one which you can then sign. The note is a concrete expression of gratitude because of the time and effort you have to put into making one.

 

Thank-you note

 

It is not hard to write a thank-you note. Here’s how:

 

1. Start by greeting the person by his/her name.

 

2. Express your thanks for the gift or whatever the reason that made you write the letter.

 

3. Briefly say why it meant so much to you.

 

4. Express your thanks again.

 

5. Sign your name.

 

Everyone deserves to be thanked. Men have a tendency to use only thank-you notes and such for business contacts and superiors. Also we have a tendency not to accurately express our gratitude and thanks to our children, girlfriends and spouses.

 

Many people, especially those closest to us, say that thanks is not necessary, but deep inside they appreciate your effort to express your thanks.

 

A big mistake for men is when we think we clearly show how grateful we are through our actions alone. We feel very thankful and think it shows in a smile, a kiss, a box of candies, a bunch of roses or cooking food for her.

 

We make the effort to do things for the family and the woman in our life. Driving for her and the kids, doing some chores and errands, paying the bills—we think these are enough to show our gratitude for her and what she does as wife and mother.

 

Although it is voluntary, we mistakenly think our effort conveys what we feel. It does not. A woman would do all these things and more out of love and a sense of family responsibility. She does not expect to be thanked, and so when we do such things, it is not perceived as thankfulness. In this case, actions do not speak louder than words. We have to speak out.

 

Do not just tell her that you are thankful. Tell your friends (especially in her presence). Let everyone know how lucky you feel. Let them know how thankful you feel—thankful that she helps you, cleans for you, washes for you, makes you laugh and smile, guides your kids, inspires you. That is the best way to tell her “Thank you, dear.”

 

As Billy Joel sang in “Tell Her About It”: “Let her know you need her / Let her know how much she means.”