DEAR EMILY,
My sister has become a bone in our throat. She has her own family now, but neither she nor her husband is able to hold a job. Instead, she relies on me and our mother, who has her own career, for help.
My husband and I are childless and live with my mother. We all have steady incomes and I think our comfortable lives annoy my sister. She covets whatever new stuff she sees in our house and quarrels with me for the smallest reason.
She doesn’t even show gratitude that I give her money—without her having to ask—for when she gave birth, buy her groceries and other never-ending expenses. She has even pawned my jewelry for her own needs.
She is so insensitive that when our mother bought a big LED TV, she immediately asked if I would be the one to inherit it once mother dies.
You’d think that we’d be close since there’s only the two of us. But she’s always looking for trouble when she talks and she’s always asking for money.
I’ve tried to help and understand her, but I have my limits, I am only human.—Sophia
Your sister seems to be acting like a pesky insect buzzing around you and your mother, jabbing constantly at whatever she can get. Of course, you’re only human and can’t but give in to her demands. Surely, you have your own issues yourself.
But understand that she and her husband are unemployed and undeniably, this problem consumes her. Unless you are able to change places with her, you’ll never feel her stress. She has reason to perceive everyone as an enemy, or an opportunity to exploit. That’s point one.
Point two—it’s unconscionable that a desperate person whose priority must be to put food on the table would so much as covet an LED TV. Haven’t they had more important and necessary requisites than that?
She clearly has a blurred vision of reality. Hers may yet turn out to be a case of a spoiled brat who has this enormous sense of entitlement vis-à-vis her relatives—and that is really pathetic.
She must be made to understand the severity of her situation. Nobody dies in the tangle she’s in, but, this constant struggle is not healthy. She cannot go on being a mendicant, no matter that her family is around her. Unless she and her husband have some physical affliction that inhibits them from finding work, they must hold a job, however menial or lowly. Will their egos allow that?
Her offensive behavior may be a coping mechanism to mask her helplessness. Her myopic vision makes her oblivious to your generosity and probably even sees you as one of her obstacles. And until she fully understands that she has become the problem, she’ll be a never-ending pain.
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