DEAR EMILY,
I am in my late 30s, a successful woman, married but not blessed with kids.
A couple of years ago, we adopted a baby who should have brought life to our marriage. Before that, though, I caught my husband fooling around with many textmates and even phone pals, since he is self-employed and has all the time in the world.
I confronted him and confiscated his cell phone, thinking that would stop this foolishness. Indeed, the wife is the last to know. The helpers at home reported that he kept another cell phone, and continued talking to other girls while I was at work.
This outraged me, since I am basically the one supporting him. How can he have the gall to fool around and prioritize going out of town with friends to have a good time?
I had enough and threw him out of the house. He went to his sister’s. He never even checked or showed the least concern for our adopted son.
Why me? Why do I feel like I am the loser? Why is life so unfair? Two years ago, before our separation, we were already sleeping in separate rooms because of my fear that he might have contracted STD from fooling around. At work I am respected but in my personal life, I am devastated. Maybe it all boils down to me having no siblings to turn to.
VELET
Why you? Why not you? Did you rather your neighbor got the brunt of your suffering instead of you?
And a child, whether adopted or biological, will never fill the void between you and your husband. A child is not an amalgam or a tooth filling. It’s either he is loved or he is not. There is no feigning it.
It’s as clear as day that there’s no love in this scenario. Your husband likes women—just not you! Confiscate his cell phone all you like, block your landline as well, but these maneuvers won’t make him any different from his true self.
Your househelp can report all the women he talks to, and even if you can carry him on your back 24/7 and monitor his every move, do you think you can even change him? He just doesn’t love you enough to care about your feelings. Isn’t it obvious? Were you even passionate lovers, ever?
You have your child, you have your business, he is out of your house—enough about him already. Get a life as far away from him as you can. Why even wag your finger at life being unfair? You have many other choices to make your life worthwhile. Why aren’t you making them? This pain of a husband just isn’t one of them.
Has it ever crossed your mind that you don’t even need him?
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