Miriam Quiambao landed first runner-up in 1999—when I was in Grade 1. What followed was a decade-long Miss Universe (MU) “drought” that continued with Bianca Manalo in the Bahamas in 2009.

In 2010—I was then a college sophomore— Maria Venus Raj, thanks in no small part to her attention-grabbing dethronement, cracked the Top 5. After her, Shamcey Supsup, Janine Tugonon and Ariella Arida all made the final cut.

That’s outstanding.

Except thatMegan Young became the first Filipino to be named Miss World in 2013 and Bea Rose Santiago, the fifth Filipino to be Miss International. Last year also ended with Jamie Herrell winning Miss Earth—the second time for the Philippines.

Those four placements were actually four failed attempts.

So, why the heck aren’t we winning the Miss Universe title?

Stills and stilts

The Philippines is MU’s most photogenic nation, with seven such awards—three by Gionna Cabrera, Lia Andrea Ramos and Anna Theresa Licaros in a streak from 2005 to 2007.

They might have projected well in stills. However,maybe that strength did not show when they had to shimmy onstage on their stilts.

Over the decades, the Miss Universe pasarela evolved from dainty to sultry. In 2007, Licaros explained in an INQUIRER story: “[MU] discouraged stiff and exaggerated posturing and encouraged sexy, relaxed, fluid and model-like movements.”

Think Victoria’s Secret show. The ladies either did not fit the bill or were simply outshone.

Manalo already had the right mix of verve and allure in her walk but, I think, Raj was the first to truly tread that imagined serpentine line drawn by pageant trainers, one that forces your hips to fluidly go side to side, according to YouTube videos.

The pasarela has become a test of core strength since then.

We’ve seen the tsunami, cobra and ariba walks. Now, we hear, our current bet has the camel walk (she has Arabian blood). Whatever. As long as it’s pleasing.

Memorable

I think memorable smiles helped secure the 2008 and 2011 crowns to Venezuela’s Dayana Mendoza and Angola’s Leila Lopes.

The operative word is “memorable.” Arida did not have a big smile but she had those captivating foxy eyes that I sometimes remember for no reason.

The Binibining Pilipinas franchise has always sent girls with the bod and the brains. Manalo shed 30-plus pounds for the Bahamas finals. Who can forget how Licaros’ question-and- answer slew the competition at Binibini?

However, in my opinion, things got better when we sent candidates that could make their presence felt, even if it was by winning a chicken-wing eating contest, or by executing a walk with its own name.

Imagine a kid who sees 80 dolls on display. The kid would usually notice, among others, the dolls that talk or move or do the hula or something; or the expensive-looking one.

Dressed to thrill

Speaking of looking expensive, we now come to styling, an area many pageant sages identify as the Philippines’ waterloo.

An extra challenge for the candidates is to look always fresh and posh, even if they are sleep-deprived or tired. They have to be showstoppers at all times.

Imagine Cinderella stunning the crowd as she arrives at the soiree, except that ball gowns aren’t usually the way to go in pageants.

The delegate should own the fete, in a diva sense, even if she is wearing an ensemble previously worn by other Philippine reps. (I found a Facebook page documenting these, and it sounds serious.)

And those evening gowns—conventional wisdom says Cabrera, Licaros and Manalo were doomed because of disastrous gowns, in what conspiracy theorists branded as sabotage. In the past 10 years, only Supsup’s evening gown was a hit.

On coronation night in 2013, Arida topped the swimwear portion but floundered with her yellow gown. (I swear we used that same cloth for folk dances when I was younger.)

We should try those aerodynamic (I don’t know the right term) gowns, like Mexican Ximena Navarrete’s red number in 2010. Delegates have worn those form-fitting gowns but never as strikingly as Canada’s Natalie Glebova did in 2005. Or why not the unconventional gown that captured for Puerto Rico’s Zuleyka Rivera the 2006 title?

Answers

In the past two editions, we felt that the MU crown was “stolen.”

Janine concluded: “As long as your heart wants to serve and you have a strong mind to show people, then you can be Miss Universe.”

Ariella said: “Education is the primary source and ticket to a better future.”

They followed the cardinal rule of local pageantry: Answer the question ASAP and end strong.

Supsup finished strong, too: “And if that person loves me, he should love my God, too”—but matters of spirituality surely shoot down contention.

Tugonon and Arida’s answers were good if they were written on paper. Except that they were spoken, with obvious buckles and mispronunciations.

Gabriela Isler of Venezuela, the current titleholder, was asked to state her fear and how she planned to overcome it. Her reply: “Fear is not negative. We should overcome all our fears and this in turn would make us stronger. As soon as we overcome our fears we can face any challenge.” As a friend would fondly joke, “Mali ’yung tanong.”

Meanwhile, Olivia Culpo won over the judges with her casual answer, even if she slipped in a red gown that not many people liked.

The MU maxim is “confidently beautiful,” and Culpo and Isler personified that in the Q&A. In contrast, the pressure forced a “major, major” and “ee-ducation” from two of our candidates.

Maybe speaking in Filipino could have made all the difference.

I would prefer content, but won’t possibly sit as a judge in this incarnation.

But I’ll be the guy who will curse at the TV if MJ Lastimosa does not even make the Top 5.

Tell us why we’re not winning on Facebook.