DEAR Emily,
We are four siblings and we used to gather in our mother’s house on weekends for a potluck lunch. When our youngest sister died from cancer, the remaining three of us agreed that on occasions like death anniversaries, birthdays, etc. each of us would contribute equally for expenses incurred on such events.
On the ninth day observance of our sister’s death, the three of us planned a breakfast after the mass that only members of our immediate families would attend because of our limited budget. However, on the eve of that event, we learned that our only sister-in-law invited more people who were not on the list. Instead of the expected 10 people, the number rose to 25. She was then forced to cook the additional food for these people so as not to embarrass herself.
Our relationship with our sister-in-law has not been well for some years now. But due to her psoriasis that worsened when she got stressed, and to maintain peace we’ve had to give in to her whims most of the time. She is so insensitive; she always wants things done her way. Even my brother, her husband, reprimands her but to no avail.
We are all now in our senior years but she has not changed. She is still persistent, adamant and unreasonable in her ways. Is there still a solution we can do to correct her demented ways?
D AVENGERS
The psoriasis that has plagued your sister-in-law for so long should have been the metaphor she could have learned from in this contrarian-filled life of hers. Clearly, she is one old dog who’ll never learn new tricks! She seems like this brat you’ve all spoiled these many years and it’ll be almost impossible to correct her wayward wiles now—demented, as you put it!
Now that you’ve reached the tipping point in your dealings with her, to the point of surrender—and rightly so—be thankful you don’t have your parents to hurt or appease anymore regarding your fraying sibling relationships. Let go and let live already, having reached your well-earned seniority!
Why even give this wayward in-law a nanosecond of your remaining precious time dwelling on her difficult personality. Haven’t you wasted enough strength and the patience coping with her? It’s much too late to hope she’d ever change and for you to continue bearing what you cannot bear anymore.
Give her a dose of her own bitter medicine. All of you deserve peace. Shift your attention now to your own individual senior maladies. Life is too short. Don’t make it shorter.
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