DEAR EMILY,

I met this successful businessman during a fundraiser for a recent catastrophe in the country. Our friendship started with frequent texting, phone calls, having dinner, hanging out on weekends, and just talking about our lives, eventually. He told me that his life was a mess, and that being with me made him so happy. We became so close that we even started calling each other “honey.”

He told me about his first family, and his second family.  He was nice, and I accepted him for what he was. He knew that I was a friend he could rely on. If he thought of me as special, it was because I was someone who had no ulterior motives.

I did not consider this love at all. Had he confessed he loved me, I would have told him immediately that it was a waste of time, and that he was not going to ruin my life or make me an addition to his already many problems.

One day, after getting so drunk during a dinner, we found ourselves in bed with each other. We had sex! I hated myself for it. After that incident, we didn’t see or call each other for months. Then, I got a text message from him saying he had fallen in love with me. I answered by telling him it was not mutual.  And to stop us from hurting each other further, I said it was best that we not see each other anymore.

I had hoped that after all this time, he had realized that I am truly just a friend who hopes he irons out all of his problems. Most of all, I wish for him to accept that it is a beautiful life, if only he gives it a chance.

SETT

You really don’t need an answer, do you? You just needed reinforcement that you did the right thing. You already knew from the get-go that it was a dead-end relationship with a man who couldn’t keep one, or two families! Wouldn’t you keep away from such a person, however attractive and charming his lonely self is to you? Two broken families and counting?

After a while, he could have turned you into another feather in his cap of conquests. It’s commendable that despite that drunken episode with him, you didn’t succumb to further his intentions, but rather stepped on the brakes yourself.

You may have been his friend in your mind, but you certainly weren’t in his.

It looks like you have the strength to move past him, put this episode behind, and get on with your life. Deep in your heart, “starting” a third family with him does not really hold much attraction for you. Be proud of your strength of character.

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