DEAR EMILY,
I am a 47-year-old woman, happily married for 20 years to an almost-perfect husband. We love and adore each other greatly.
Five years ago, I met another man and fell in love with him at first sight. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t control my feelings. I think he felt the same. Our attraction was so strong it made me sleepless, restless, and became stressed out so much I thought I was going to be sick.
My husband is a very secure person; confident in this, I took the risk of telling him about the other guy. He was so mature about it that he even asked how he could help me. He knew I wouldn’t cheat on him.
My husband and I would talk about it occasionally. He totally understood me and didn’t make me feel guilty or cheap at all.
It is I who is now worried about the future. I am scared that my worst karma would be to lose my wonderful husband one of these days, and be saddled with a man who’ll never have the security I’ve felt with my husband and the maturity to deal with me.
If I go on to have a relationship with this other guy, would he stay on with me when my husband dies? Would this other guy still respect me and want to marry me and not think that I’d do the same and cheat on him?
I am still suffering up to now, but having an inkling of the future. I know it’s best not to tempt fate. But then again…
STUPID IN LOVE
Aren’t you a lucky “dawg!” You are in an idyllic marriage. You have a loving and secure husband who adores you, yet you were not content with that!
A million other women would kill to be in your shoes. Many are probably wondering how you can do something so vile to someone so safe and beautiful as your husband. Many clearly will not take into account that you’re still a human being, made of skin and bones, with strengths and weaknesses, and a wandering heart.
Methinks you got bored from such pleasant sailing all these years. You were a pampered wife who took for granted a feast of a marriage. The intensity you felt for the other guy could have seemed like love, but honestly, can we just downgrade it to an infatuation or a terrific crush—considering that no tsunami did or will happen?
You are drenched with guilt because your sweetheart of a husband is giving the support he can muster, given the awkwardness of the moment—for someone so undeserving. He is standing by you, for better or for worse. He probably knows something you don’t, like this being just a hiccup in your marriage that will blow over in good time.
Ever heard of the phrase, “From the frying pan to the fire?” Your husband knows you only too well, that you’d use your head in the end, no matter what, and avoid that very unpleasant scenario from happening!
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