Dear Emily,

I’m still a bachelor at 41, living independently and working here in the metropolis. I hope that through your column, I can meet someone who is imbued with good sense—somehow unlike those in the office I’m working in.

I wonder why most women in today’s society seem to have lost our Filipino values. Values like saving themselves for their husbands until the day they get married, or having a relationship with the opposite sex instead of the same sex, or the fear in God—just to name a few.

I guess this is the reason why I am still a bachelor. I cannot seem to find the right fit for me. Most of the women I’ve met in the past think my ideas are outdated. Though they are beautiful outside, it is the beauty inside that I’m looking for, which doesn’t show on the outside.

I hope there’s still someone out there who can show me the character I am looking for, someone not at all boastful of her external beauty.

The Bachelor

Answer:

If your personality strives to meet only virtuous women, you are in for a rude awakening. Someone said sometime ago that the only virgins you can find at this time and age are those still in the nursery!

Are you yourself a virgin at your age, or do you adhere to a different set of rules for men and women? Is your definition of a virtuous woman someone who is an absolute virgin? What if she does everything else playing around, and just about skirts the actual prize—does that count? What if she once upon a time believed in true love and gave herself up to the man thinking she was going to travel eternity with Mr. Right—only to be dumped unceremoniously? Is that forgivable to you?

What if she were date-raped? Is her fate going to be doomed and damned forever?

Wouldn’t you accept someone who has “failed” morally, but has learned from her mistakes? Who picks up herself and turns out to be a kind, generous and helpful human being beyond reproach (think Mary Magdalene)? Will you bend your rules then?

Since you wrote to this person who is incorrigibly color-blind and oblivious to the vulnerabilities and frailties of human beings—and even requesting that your email be printed <[email protected]>—all I can say is good luck.

As well, while wishing your endeavor well, be open to the blessings that can only be felt by the heart and almost always hidden from the eye.

Virginity is unwittingly too overrated sometimes. And while we’re at it—are you, by any chance, willing to undergo the same scrutiny you are exacting on the women you’re searching for?

E-mail the author at [email protected] or [email protected])