DEAR EMILY,
AT 32, I am single and the youngest in a family of three boys and two girls. Four of my siblings married in their early 20s, and all have separated from their spouses before even turning 30. They have 10 kids in all.
I will never be like any of them, or have any kids. I had boyfriends, but never got serious with anyone. I consider myself a liberated woman, and honest enough to know I have no maternal instinct. It’s not in my character to take care of anybody.
A year ago, I had an affair with a man who had been married 30 years. He and his wife never had kids. Both had fertility problems. To compensate, he said, they have enough nieces and nephews to keep them company.
I stopped taking the pill after learning my boyfriend couldn’t have kids. Then, late last year, I suddenly found myself pregnant. I told him I was two months gone, and he just said that proves he’s not the one with a problem. I told him not to worry about it, as I would have an abortion soon enough.
He knew I didn’t want kids from the start, so nothing more was said. I haven’t told anyone this, except two very close friends who will keep my secret to the grave.
When we talked again, he said he has been thinking about my accidental pregnancy, and that I should go ahead with it. The solution? He and his wife will adopt the baby themselves—all details to be kept a secret, of course—and that it would be born wherever I wanted. He asked me not to be insulted, but I would be compensated very generously, with the amount I’d be happy with.
I thought about his suggestion, and after a long while, I agreed. I said I would go to a province in the guise of doing research for a foreign company I’m working for, and will give birth there.
Even before this pregnancy, I was already given approval for a work transfer abroad. That will be postponed for a little later now. My job, plus the compensation I will be getting from him, will kick-start the new chapter in my life.
My two friends have asked me repeatedly if I am doing the right thing. I know what I am doing is right, and that everyone will be happy in the long run. I just hope nothing will sway me after seeing a little person actually in my arms.
STONEHEART
Not everyone is as liberated as you or is in your frame of mind. You will not find many agreeing with you, either, when you preach this to the choir of your peers.
But this is your life, and that is what you’ve resolved to do. It takes a lot of courage and chutzpah to do what you’re doing, especially coming from a culture like ours. Others would have resorted to abortion, flushed it down the toilet, or abandoned it by the church door.
Not you. You say you’re stonehearted, but I say not. You’re giving this chance, this gift of life unreservedly, to someone who has been yearning to create a family.
The fact that your boyfriend wants to adopt the baby himself (his wife, having no inkling of the messy truth, presumably) means nobody more related or closer to the child than its own father can take care of it and love it more than you yourself if you wanted to.
If you are 120-percent sure in your mind and heart that you will have no remorse down the years, then give yourself the gift of peace from hereon. Take care of your body and be the best possible mother while it’s still in your womb.
Let not your conscience accuse you later on of being remiss or neglectful. Focus completely and feel assured and confident that you’ve given this child your all while you were still one with it.
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