Dear Emily,

I am a married, fairly successful businessman in a middle-age crisis. I married a well-to-do campus beauty, had kids who now have families of their own—and, despite those blessings, I feel I am in rut. All the things I craved for when I was struggling have lost their flavor.

It seemed my life had come to a halt—until I traveled and met on the plane this gray-haired woman my age. She is not even as beautiful as my wife, but her simplicity blew me away. She’s a college professor and was attending a conference in the same city.

Our long talk brought me to an entirely new level of thinking. My whole horizon unexpectedly changed. Suddenly, my life, our partying and socializing, seemed shallow and empty.

I tried to hang out with her in that foreign city, but romance was not on her agenda. She could barely go to dinner from all the reports she had to finish. But that didn’t deter me from sending her flowers and gifts in her hotel. I made sure she knew I wanted our friendship to blossom. Her husband, also a professor, died young. She has no kids. She said her life is her work.

I am surprised at how smitten I am with her. That she wouldn’t have anything to do with a married man only deepened my respect for her. My wife really doesn’t care what I do with my life, as we haven’t slept together for over 20 years. As long as she travels and shops, things are okay with her.

But I have moved on emotionally. I will be dead in a short while, and life with this woman, whether she marries me or not, is a gamble I am willing to take.

MIDDLE AGE LOVE

There is a Peggy Lee song with the title, “Is this all there is?” One line tells of how she fell deeply in love with a man who, when he went away, made her think she would die. When she didn’t, all she could say was—is this all there is?

You are Peggy Lee asking the exact same question.

Then that fateful plane ride. Life without a purpose is truly, unspeakably empty. Apparently, you and your wife cared more about appearances and did nothing much to improve other people’s lives. That’s clearly a boring existence. A big yawn!

What has gotten you besotted with this other woman is her commitment to something higher than herself. You found her an entirely different kettle of fish, and it was bewilderingly new to you.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step. Clear up the loose ends in your life before you seriously pursue her.

Just be worthy of her. Measure up to her level of intelligence, and prove your mettle to her.

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