Dear Emily,

I am 42 years old and I was, for a long time, single. I had one boyfriend before, when I was in my 20s. We broke up because he cheated on me.

I come from a very conservative born-again Christian family where sex is forbidden before marriage. I hate to admit it, but I’m still a virgin. I’m desperate to get married and have children before I run out of time.

I now have a boyfriend, but my parents don’t like him. First, he’s Catholic; second, he’s younger than me; and third, he has two children with his ex-girlfriend.

My boyfriend recently proposed to me and I said yes. But my parents are against it. They want me to break up with him and wait, as “God will send me the right partner.”

I’ve been waiting for many years. I’m not getting any younger. The men in my church are either already married or just teenagers.

I love my parents, but I’m a grown woman and I have the right to make my own choices. My father said I will suffer in the afterlife if I go through with this marriage.

I have been a good, obedient daughter, but what do I have to do to impress them? I love my boyfriend and he loves me. I don’t want to die an old maid. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?

42-Year-Old Virgin

You’re a 42-year-old woman who should already have a mind of your own. There’s no harm in listening to your parents’ admonition. But to control your future when this is the life you’ll be living once they’re gone should be your call alone.

Did you clear up with your father what he meant by “suffering in the afterlife” if you marry this guy? What’s wrong with being Catholic, or being younger than you?

Except for the ever watchful law of boomerang or karma, did you steal him from his ersatz wife, rendering his children fatherless? Had he been in love with this girlfriend by having two children with her, don’t you think he would have married her even before you came into his life? And, are you sure you’re not marrying this guy just to get over your virginity?

But if he had left this girlfriend before finding you, and you both fell in love the old-fashioned way—by truly falling in love with each other—how could that be wrong?

You’re 42, for goodness’ sake! Plot your own destiny, and have the wherewithal to bear its costs.

In the end, it’s your own decision, your life—right or wrong.

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