Dear Emily,

I am 28 and I’ve been a mistress for 10 years now. I met my lover at an event where I was an usherette. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him because of our 30-year difference in age, and he being a married man with children.

But he was very persistent. He called, texted, sent flowers and gifts. His generosity and kindness won me over. He’s also very intelligent and taught me philosophy and science. He later bought me a condo unit, paid for my college tuition and, when I graduated, a car.

I now have a stellar career, and I’m very grateful for everything he has done. But I think it’s time for me to move on. I don’t want to be a mistress anymore. I know he’ll accuse me of being ungrateful. But I did want us to get married and have children, but he made it clear he would not leave his wife despite his children being all grown up. He still supports me, but I know I can stand on my own feet now.

When I was a young mistress, I didn’t mind my lover visiting me only once in a while, but now, I deserve better. I want someone to come home to me every day, who can hold my hand in public and won’t have to hide or meet me in secret. Am I being selfish for wanting to move on?

CONFUSED MISTRESS

All is fair in love and war. And your very own gut is telling you the time has come to cut off this relationship. You must be firm to him that you now can stand on your own two feet and have a life of your own.

Sure he sent you to school, gave you your very own roof over your head, a car, garbed you with the latest in fashion—everything a sugar daddy would generously give. Why not? You gave him what was probably missing in his life that made him lust after you—the fragrance and the scent of innocence, the freshness of smooth skin, the allure and the warmth of your youth.

How else could he win you if he didn’t blind you with all that splendor?

He didn’t give you all those with no strings attached or out of the goodness of his heart! You paid for all that with your body and soul, before it was even time for you to bloom! The money he rained on you cannot even approximate in that equation the satisfaction you’ve given him those 10 years.

He had his chance to have you for all eternity, put a ring on it and make a decent woman of you. But no! He just wanted you as toy to play with, or dessert after a big meal. Nothing more because he had the means.

That gives you the freedom to bolt, get out—and start a life of your own. You’ve paid enough.

Even steven.

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