Dear Emily,

I’m 23 years old and I just got engaged to my Saudi boyfriend. My family is against this marriage because he’s Muslim and already has a wife back in his home country. She is also Filipino. They have three grown children and have been married for 28 years.

I met him while I was working in Saudi as a maid for one of his relatives. He would often come over and that’s when he started courting me. He was very respectful and generous and told me up front about his wife and children. He said Muslim men are allowed to have more than one wife.

At first I didn’t like the idea, but I now have a greater understanding of his religion and culture.

When I came home and told my family, my parents said that Muslim men treat their wives badly and that I shouldn’t marry someone who already has a wife. I even told them I was going to convert to Islam for my fiance. My parents would not give their blessing and have since disowned me because they are devout Catholics and devotees of The Black Nazarene.

I’m going back to Saudi Arabia for the wedding and to meet his first wife. I’m very nervous about meeting her and scared that she’d hate me. My fiance assures me she is fine, and that she and I will get along since we are both Filipino. Am I doing the right thing, casting my family aside for love?

ANANI

Your parents only have the very best intentions for you and their concerns are manifold.

One is, you’re entering marriage as the second wife of a man who already has a family of grown kids. That’s established history right there. Another is not being able to protect you should you need their help from so far away.

He has a totally foreign culture from theirs, thus this strong objection to your plan. They can advise you till they turn blue—which you, of course, are under no obligation to obey—but their words may just go through your ear like the wind.

What’s consuming you is that voice inside you, buzzing your parents’ dissent and terribly affecting the harmony in your family. It’s the tandem of guilt and uncertainty for your well-being that is making you unsure of your future

Can you honestly cope, considering how relatively young you are, and be thrust into a completely different culture so far away from the comfort of your family? A change of heart for you, down the road, may prove too late or even disastrous. It’s your choice, it’s your life.

Write to [email protected] or [email protected]