Dear Emily,

I am engaged to a woman seven years my senior. We met in a prayer meeting.

She’s soft-spoken, kind, helpful and a really nice human being. The eldest in a family of four women, she is the only unmarried sibling. The rest of her family is abroad, including their parents.

She said she has no plan of following them as she’s very settled here. I asked her to marry me recently, but she said there is plenty of time for that.

A few months ago, her younger sister came to visit from abroad. She recently got divorced from her husband of 11 months, no children.

Hers was a whirlwind marriage, discovered her new husband’s womanizing, gambling and drug use too late. She came home to recharge her batteries, she said.

From our first meeting, I knew she was trouble—to me. Beautiful and very flirtatious, she is always around me, texting, asking me to do things and stuff that she herself can do.

My girlfriend is very concerned and protective of her and I can’t wait for her to finish her “recharging” and leave.

To avoid any trouble, I am making myself very scarce, for her. This sister is flighty, self-indulgent and I don’t want to lose my girlfriend through some human frailty or trouble she’s bound to create or any misunderstanding because of her.—Annoyed

Don’t be too harsh on her. Remember, there’s always a flip side to strong emotions, so be warned. There’s a very thin line separating hating and loving.

Clearly, she’s a troubled woman. Treat her like an errant kid who should be helped but not spoiled. These types are always testing the waters at how far they can go until someone takes their bait.

Treat her nicely—but always at arm’s length. When she recognizes and accepts that you’re not going to be a fan of hers, she might realize that her antics are not producing the desired effect she’s gunning for—and go away sooner than expected.

These are the travails of having collateral relatives that are baked in the cake in pursuit of love. Can be quite taxing—as you’re experiencing now.

Do your stuff as she does hers. Just never let the twain meet.

Write to [email protected] or [email protected].