Dear Emily,
My 35-year-old daughter is on a downward spiral after her boyfriend of 12 years abandoned her for a new woman he met at work. He was her first ever boyfriend.
They are both successful professionals who were able to buy a beautiful condo and a farm together three years ago, and believed this was going to be their life together. They have seen many marriages among their friends disintegrate, and knew that was not for them. They believed that marriage was not necessary for them to stay in a committed relationship, and felt their relationship was rock solid—until this woman came along.
They are selling the properties they’ve bought together—all within the span of eight months. My daughter is so distraught and physically sick that she has taken a leave of absence from work. She’s taking it very hard. As a mother, I thought we knew this boyfriend well enough. I want to confront him for the sake of my daughter, but good manners prevent me from doing so.
EX-FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW
Right-o! Don’t even think what you’re thinking. It is not your place to confront him. He has his own issues, and your only concern is your daughter.
Be an unwavering comfort to her, first and foremost. Love her to bits, give her a chunk of your mind if she asks, and soothe her with morale-boosting, life-saving aphorisms till her ears bleed—but nothing more. Your protective responsibility ends there.
Allow your daughter to feel the full impact of this failed love. Let her cry till her eyes run dry.
Leave her alone as much as you can and allow her to do whatever she wishes. You’ve heard the saying: What doesn’t kill you will make you stronger. This is all true. She will survive this grim episode of her young life in due time, and relish down the road how she was able to summon that level of maturity she was capable of.
There’s a reason for everything in life. Let her become the woman who is yet to come from this abyss. There’s nowhere for her to go but up—wouldn’t you say so, Mom?
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