New York Times recently published Jane Brody’s “Elderly Experts Share Life Advice in Cornell Project,” about Cornell’s Legacy Project, a study that began in 2004 and pioneered by Karl Pillemer, a professor of human development in the university’s College of Human Ecology and professor of gerontology in its Weill Cornell Medical College.

In 2004, Pillemer started collecting the practical advice on living from America’s elders. Using different methods, his research team systematically gathered nearly 1,500 responses to the question: “What are the most important lessons you have learned over the course of your life?”

Brody’s piece began:

“At 17, I wrote a speech titled, ‘When You Come to the End of Your Days, Will You Be Able to Write Your Own Epitaph?’ It reflected the approach to life I adopted after my mother’s untimely death from cancer at age 49. I chose to live each day as if it could be my last—but with a watchful eye on the future in case it wasn’t… I find joy each day in mundane things too often overlooked: sunrises and sunsets, an insect on a flower, crows chasing a hawk, a majestic tree, a child at play, an act of kindness toward a stranger.”

Common thread

Her words resonated in me because I had also tried to live with that attitude every day. Perhaps because we share the experience of having lost a beloved parent much too soon, we have a common thread. Knowing fully well the brevity of life and the value of each day, we have a sense of urgency to pursue our dreams, knowing the importance of being fully present in every moment.

In the Legacy Project I found a treasure trove of articles which Pillemer had distilled into a book. One article tackled the very important subject of how to live positively each day.

Pillemer outlined four strategies to staying positive 24/7.

One is to eliminate unnecessary worrying. In later life, many have realized that if they could do their lives all over again, they would take back those hours spent in ceaseless worrying about the future. One 83-year-old said, “Don’t believe that worrying will resolve anything. It doesn’t. So stop it.”

Two, focus on the short term, rather than the long. To stay positive, focus on the immediate future rather than on the endless what-if’s. “One day at a time” has proven to be the best mantra, and believing that “this too shall pass” has proven to be one of the best antidotes against worry.

Three, acceptance. Acceptance is not passive but rather something that is actively fostered. Actively working toward acceptance of problems and limitations is one of the critical keys to positive living. The study cited Sister Clare, a 98-year-old nun whose favorite phrase is “let it be.” She suggested regularly pushing away negative thoughts and people as they come.

The wise sister said, “Some people get on your nerves and they will be there until you die, let it be.”

Positive attitude

Four, and this is one of my favorites: Savor. Don’t focus on the big ticket items—a car, a new house, a new job, a designer whatever. The elders say that a positive attitude depends on thinking small—a child’s smile, a warm cup of coffee on a rainy day, an awesome sunset, a rainbow out of the blue, a familiar song from one’s youth heard over the radio.

The important lesson is to never take things for granted; it’s often the ordinary joys of every day that make life worth living. “It’s the little things that bring joy to your daily life, so make sure to savor them as they arrive.”

Fifth: Being in the moment, fully. For many of the respondents, this was a valuable lesson, one they said they wished they had learned in their 30s. Doing so, they realized, would have given them so many more decades to fully enjoy life and live positively each day.

These lessons were all put into sharp focus in a warm and brilliant film coming to theaters this week. Last night, I had the privilege of watching “We Bought a Zoo,” and I was so moved that I plan to see it again with my children this week.

Based on a true story about writer and now zoo owner Benjamin Mee, portrayed by Matt Damon, the film is a story of loss, hope, family and pursuing one’s dreams. It’s a must-see for those who have lost spouses and parents. It’s also for all animal lovers. So many poignant scenes that will tug at your heart and make you think. Don’t miss this heartwarming and beautiful film.

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