Dear Emily,
I was just one of the millions of Filipinos affected by the Luzon-wide community quarantine.
For some couples, being stuck in this type of situation for months sounds like a dream come true. In my case, I’m very lucky that I have a stable relationship with my wife of 10 years.
But what about couples who were already having problems, stressed out and losing their minds in this pandemic? This was probably their worst nightmare.
What do you say about how this kind of situation affects couples? How can they keep themselves from destroying their relationship and stay strong during this difficult crisis?
–Mr. Dasher
Aren’t you lucky to be spared this problem?
You and your wife clearly like each other, knowing you will be doing the exact same routine over and over again.
You must have a reservoir of tales to amuse each other and probably greet each other often with a smile instead of a scowl from across the bed when you wake up in the morning. Not having negative vibes to upend the start of a beautiful day is always a good start.
Others have such awful marriages that just a passing glance between them in the morning could make the smiling sun hide behind a cluster of clouds! That’s no joke. They’d rather see their partner go up in smoke like the steam from their morning coffee, than bear spending another day together.
You ask how couples can keep themselves from destroying each other: One cure may be to go over their relationship with a fine-tooth comb and see what important stuff they can still salvage from the marriage without inflaming it further. Or start with silence perhaps. Absolutely no conversation between them. Diffuse the enmity without uttering a word and see what happens. As one writer posited, “Much of life is something they could negotiate in silence. There’s power that comes with silence. Silence can often be more disturbing than noise.”
This very simple gesture may make them evaluate their lives with more thoughtfulness.
