My dad used to be a sales trainer and motivational speaker. When I was in high school he gave me the book “Dare to Fail” by Billi Lim. At first I was confused on why “Dare to Fail.” Yun pala, he wanted me to understand that I shouldn’t be discouraged even if I fail. He was preparing me pala for the “real world” and he wanted me to realize that failure was not the end, but only a stepping stone to success.

This past decade, I dedicated myself to my parents. I wanted to spend more time with them and provide for them. Ayoko na kami maghirap lalo na ni mama, kaya my goal was to be successful in my career. Gusto ko sila maging proud, lalo na si dad.

I finally told him about “Masarap Ba?” and what I’ve been doing all these years as an anonymous foodie. I remember seeing him smiling when he saw na ang laki pala ng community. I thanked him for teaching me how to be brutally honest yet supportive and generous, kaya na-apply ko siya in my daily life.

When he got sick, I promised I’d write a book about the things he taught me, and tuwang-tuwa siya.

Kaya nung enhanced community quarantine, buti na lang walkable naman yung house niya from where I live. I guess, subconsciously, I really wanted to live near him para lagi kami magkita. That’s how important he is to me. It was a 30-to 45-minute trek pero it was hard because, of course, bawal na bawal talaga lumabas at maraming checkpoint. Despite all the limitations, I still did my best to visit him, for it made both of us happy. Lagi raw niya kasi akong hinahanap.

During those visits, there was sadness since I knew he was in his last days. I remember crying a lot on the way to the house. Inuubos ko muna yung luha ko because I didn’t want him to see me sad.

This is my first Father’s Day without him. Ang hirap pero I’ll celebrate by eating his favorite Mang Inasal palabok, Tropial Hut Classic burger and Conti’s Lengua Estofado. —Raoul J. Chee Kee