Dear Emily,
We’re almost getting out of lockdown now, but I am afraid my dreaded life before will come back once this is fully over.
I am a 55-year-old single mother of three daughters, 25, 24 and 22. They are all professionals and gainfully employed.
My dilemma is this: I am also a working mom but I find that my daughters have no more time to be with me, now that they’ve grown and have boyfriends. We live with my octogenarian mom and aunt. What if they pass away? I will be left with no one. I feel lonely and afraid of the future.
I am suffering from anxiety, depression and panic attacks. Every time they’re out of the house I always end up texting and calling them asking for their whereabouts. They claim I am choking them with my concern, but I am just afraid for their safety.
They tell me to get a life and find a boyfriend. I’ve not been in a relationship for years now. I am also a hypochondriac. Should I require my daughters not to leave me?
–Marie
Do you have any disability of some sort? Can you walk without using any tools? Have difficulty hearing or speaking? Cannot remember what you just said? Secret ailments you don’t want to burden your family with?
You’re only 55, which means your friends must be as young as you. Do you have friends from school or office you can call to chat with? Do you do social media? Have hobbies to keep you busy?
Your daughters are themselves raring to live their own lives soon. Talking about your insecurities can be so depressing to them too. They don’t want to be cooped up with someone who has no joy or life in her. Why not be the mother they can look up to? Your old mother and aunt will go some time, and it’s not an if, but a when. That cycle of life is just a fact.
Find out if your hypochondria has a basis by going to a doctor. If there’s nothing wrong with you, move on and find a purpose to live. Don’t depend on your daughters or a boyfriend to be happy.
You will be an absolute burden to those around you if you keep latching on to them to give you security. But there will be no real security except for whatever you build inside yourself. Change has to start with you—and nobody else.
