Dear Emily,
I’ve had feelings for this guy since I met him in 2006, which absurdly are going on till now. He is single, and so am I. We have a seven-year age gap. I am 49 and he is 42. I live in the province and we don’t see each other unless I go to Manila. I cannot comprehend why I feel this way, since we hardly see or talk to each other anyway. He knows my feelings for him, yet I don’t know if he too feels the same about me or is just shy to reject me.
I’ve wanted to give up on him, like not text him anymore or just try to forget him, but I can’t let go of him. Can you help me see the big picture in all this?
—Klaryz
At 49, are you aware you’re already at the cusp of middle age? Haven’t you ever gone crazy over a man all your life, except over him? What is it about this guy that is making you gaga enough to be consulting a stranger like me, and asking me to give you a picture of what’s happening in your life? Actually, nothing!
You are running after a dream that won’t even stop for a second to give you a look or say hello to you. There is nothing there. Nada! Just a fantasy you’ve created in your mind that’s just a pie in the sky. Of course you can forget him—no, not right away, but eventually, because you’ll have to rein yourself in to do it. You can’t even lean on to a memory because he is just an illusion!
Focus on something worthwhile—like a job? Or friends you can huddle with when you’re feeling lonely and need some company? A hobby perhaps to keep your fingers busy and your mind preoccupied? Remember the saying, “idle hands are the devil’s playground.”
In a little while you will be old and will start asking, where did all the years go? You sound healthy and fortunate enough to summon all your senses for a continued fruitful life. Don’t let the opportunity fate has given you go to waste. Better yet, stop pining over a man who does not give a hoot about what he is missing by not knowing you better. Give yourself more importance! it’s his loss, not yours!
