DEAR EMILY,
I’m 28 and the youngest of three siblings. I have been working for a government agency since graduating from university, but after years of employment, I began to think of embarking on a different career path. I want to do something else, as I cannot envision myself in the same profession for years and years to come.
But my mom keeps on stressing me out, harping at every opportunity since I started preparing for a government exam. I’m not in the least bit inclined to take it and venture into a career that so many people glamorize but barely understand. This would surely make me miserable and unhappy.
I love my mom very much, and I know she thinks she’s doing the right thing by badgering me about my future options. But I’m really getting tired of it, and there are times when her words are just bullying and hurtful, and her behavior extremely overbearing and controlling.
I’m fairly certain she knows I get terribly upset when she brings up the matter, but it’s as if she just doesn’t know how to stop.
Sometimes I feel it’s extremely unfair, because she doesn’t treat my older siblings the same way. How can I get her to listen and treat me like an adult with a sensible, independent mind?
—Evie
Your mother has only the best intentions for you. You have the assurance that she will protect you with her life to the end, but nevertheless tell you things that can punch your guts, as well!
She wants you to have a good life. And the life she perceives for you does not involve you losing your livelihood, even for a minute. She is so scared of you getting out of this job, which you claim looks glamorous to outsiders like her and your friends, but unbeknownst to them is making you miserable and unhappy—sort of like a slow death—regardless of the security it brings, right?
There is a saying: “If you have something to do that is worthwhile doing, don’t talk about it, but do it. After you have done it, your friends and enemies will talk about it.” Do whatever you want to do right, and let them judge you later. End of story. You’re of age, and no amount of outside interference, you mother’s included, should deter you from achieving your goal.
Take note of another saying to uplift you:
“If an egg is broken by an outside force, life ends.
If an egg breaks from within, life begins.
Great things always begin from within.”
Tell your mother in the most gentle way to let go of you, and grant you your wish to find your dream by yourself. She won’t always be there to mold you into this person she envisions you to be. So, wouldn’t it be best if she becomes a spectator instead and enjoy the ride, the blossoming of the true you, while she’s still alive?
She is a wonderful mother, no doubt, but she should have the wisdom to allow you to follow the drummer you are clearly hearing in your mind, and meet up with your fate. Nothing is ever easy—including accepting the somewhat warped love of a mother.
E-mail [email protected] or [email protected], subject: Lifestyle.
