The COVID-19 pandemic has been difficult for all of us in different ways. One of the things that everyone is struggling with right now is the inability to physically be with our friends, our relatives and significant others.
Because of the quarantine and social distancing regulations, couples used to seeing each other regularly were suddenly thrust in what felt like a “long-distance relationship,” even if they were just a car ride or a street away.
How exactly are modern day couples dealing with love in the time of a pandemic?
“it wasn’t easy at first. Siyempre nami-miss ko siya, pero kahit gano ko sya ka-miss, hindi talaga kami pwede magkita in person. I have diabetes so risky for me eh,” said Joanne (not her real name), a sophomore at the University of the Philippines Diliman.
Being in a long-distance relationship is hard but it hurts more to know that the person you love is just around the corner but you can’t see each other because of quarantine. As the saying goes, “so near, yet so far.”
Joanne’s boyfriend lives 30 minutes away from her and can easily go to her anytime he wants. But because she is considered “high risk” for COVID-19, they choose not to meet up in person, despite lockdown regulations being lifted in their city.
“We video call each other every day naman, habang kumakain ng breakfast and dinner, tapos magdadaldalan lang kami about how our day went.” she added. They explored different ways of conducting dates such as having movie nights and schedule Zoom calls whenever both of them don’t have classes.
Heightened emotions
For Gabbi Galang, a Creative Writing student at the University of Santo Tomas, the pandemic affected her relationship with her significant other, but they remain strong.
“Emotions are heightened during the pandemic,” she said. “Issues and other problems are harder to manage through phone calls or even texts, because we find it hard to express what we truly feel just by looking at the screen. Young love is easily tested by having to spend time apart. Because of that, there will be series of overthinking that would lead to all kinds of negative effects within the relationship.”
While the internet and social media were built as a way to connect people, it is still different from being with each other in a physical space. There are psychological and emotional challenges in virtual environments. We’ve been missing physical closeness and the signals that come with it. The loss of nonverbal contact also means that we have lost a way to show care and attention, and a way to receive it.
Galang’s advice? Don’t focus on the bad things and don’t overthink. “We must remind ourselves that it’s better to focus on the relationship we have now. The only thing that we should look forward to right now is the pandemic ending.”
Galang and her boyfriend have become each other’s support system, and even have a small business together. She added that being there for each other really helps a lot. “Everyday activities don’t have to be extravagant, but expect that there will be some days that are boring. At the very least, we try our best to let each other feel our presence.”
Challenges
Love finds a way even when unexpected challenges come along, as long as both of you are willing to make things work. But this is not true for all.
In an article published by BBC in July, a survey showed that out of 2,000 couples, 42 percent found their partner more irritating during the lockdown, 36 percent of couples argued with their partner more, and 29 percent were having doubts about their relationship.
May (not her real name), a junior at Far Eastern University, broke up with her girlfriend last September. “Doon sa kanila kasi pwede na gumala, dito sa amin hindi pa. Hindi sya nakatiis.”
May’s girlfriend cheated on her with another girl she met online. She ended up breaking off their six-month relationship.
“These are extraordinary times. Dapat loyalty and trust ang pundasyon ng relationship niyo if you really want to make it through this pandemic,” May added.
There are lyrics to the song “IDK You Yet” by pop star Alexander 23, which tells of someone who is in love with a person they haven’t even met yet. This describes the situation of those people who have experienced “quarantine romances” or “quaran-flings” during this pandemic.
With the power of the internet, social media and of course, online dating, finding someone to talk to on the other end of the line is a piece of cake.
Meeting online
Mabel, a political science student at De La Salle University met her MU (“mutual understanding,” a relationship defined as two people who like each other but aren’t necessarily exclusive yet) on the online dating site Bumble. “It was swertehan talaga. Like, hindi ko ine-expect that I was going to click with someone. But I did!”
She added that she and her MU. decided that they wouldn’t call each other “girlfriends” yet because they haven’t even met in real life but that they are happy with what they have now.
“This will do muna, I’m really hoping that we can meet IRL soon”
But the difficult thing about starting a relationship with someone you’ve only met online is that you don’t actually know the person you have feelings for just yet.
Technically, the person you like is a bunch of letters and a chat bubble on a 12-inch screen. You can’t always trust the things that people type on chat. They can pretend to be a good person even when they’re not.
Dr. Margaret Seide, a psychiatrist, warned on “Insider” about the coronavirus lockdown being “a fertile ground for catfishers on dating apps.”
While it is possible to find love online, we must always be careful. People with malicious intent can hide behind their screens.
The pandemic really brought about new challenges for millennial and Gen Z couples. But they’re also finding solutions. While the pandemic may have caused some relationships to end, it strengthened some old ones, and created new ones as well. —CONTRIBUTED INQ
