DEAR EMILY,
I am a 24-year-old guy, and have been single for a while. I liked a few girls before but never really pushed through with any of them. Recently, I met a guy and we became friends. Before I knew it, I was in love with him. I can say for certain he’s 100-percent straight, but as for me, I’m confused. I’ve already confirmed that I have no problem being gay, but I also have that same urge with women! Maybe I’m bisexual?
I can understand that no matter what I do I can’t make him love me the way I love him. The problem is, I really like him and I’m afraid that confessing my feelings to him might ruin our friendship. Plus, I don’t know how my other friends will react if they found out about me. In the Philippines, you can only be either gay or straight. A straight guy doesn’t believe in the word bisexual. This is also true for the friends I’ve had over the years. I’m open to being rejected but I don’t want to lose their friendship.
Secrets cannot be kept forever and the way this country treats homosexuals and bisexuals is harsh and sad that you want to just hang yourself. Should I take the risk or move on with my life and forget about him?
—Afraid and Confused
Answer:
Will confessing your feelings to this man make you happy and take a gamble on losing his friendship? Or possibly regret it so badly you’d want to pull every follicle in your head? But to paraphrase the poet Conrad Aiken, “Let’s be reckless of our words and worlds… What should we save them for—a night of frost?”
You might as well be true to yourself. Life is already full of stress! Get this out of your system and see what happens. Heard of the saying, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained?” This is 2012 and gays are becoming more comfortable in their own skin. Most are finally coming of the woodwork, without fear or embarrassment and proclaiming who they truly are. Come out, bare your identity and see who your friends are. The real ones will accept you for what you are and not treat you like a criminal or someone with a communicable disease.
Life is short. And as you said, there are no secrets that one can keep anymore. Reinforce your conviction further by taking heed in what another wise man said: “You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”
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