DEAR EMILY,
My first relationship was with a married man, an executive in my office. At the time, a married friend said to me something which you also mentioned in a previous column, that “men are homing pigeons,” meaning, there was no future in that relationship. It was so heartbreaking for me that I left the country. It was a long-term relationship.
Many years later, not having learned my lesson, I was swept off my feet by another married man, a classmate I had not seen for decades. We are now in a “texting relationship” as we live in different continents abroad. It takes a lot of love, patience, understanding and heartaches to make this kind of relationship work, mostly from me.
Am I that desperate? No! I am just too much in love—and rather stupid. I just have to give myself a shot at happiness, no matter how slim.
STUPID IN LOVE
You are in love with being in love. A woman stupidly (your word) chasing the rainbow, no matter if she doesn’t see the road to it. It’s truly difficult to find available and unhitched men. The proverbial needle in a haystack! But lucky for these married men to find someone who is willing to give them her all—with no obligation to them. And that’s you!
There are no words of comfort to assure you that you will find that someone along the way. How about if you try not looking? Run away as far as possible from men who smooth-talk you, yet continue to wear that bullet-proof paraphernalia in the guise of a wedding ring! They are bad news, considering your historical attraction to them.
Instead, gather all the innate qualities you expend on men—like “love, patience, understanding, including heartaches” on a project that will bring you the rewards of joy and fulfillment. Have a hobby like painting or writing, or dive head-on into a bleeding heart charity work.
You have such passion in you that you just have to veer away from “men-polluted” areas to find your other calling. Try one. You may love yourself more and find that elusive happiness if you discover your “other” self—not the stupid one. One that won’t leave you alone and lonely at the end of the day.
E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]. Please visit my one-woman painting exhibit, “Landscapes in Oil,” at Chef Jessie’s Restaurant in Rockwell, Makati, ongoing until Feb. 5.
