Some of the bravest and most beautiful women I know are those who have survived a life-threatening illness.

Perhaps the beauty comes from having been to the abyss and back, from having experienced what Jean Shinoda-Bolen calls, in her beautiful and insightful book “Close to the Bone,” a soul journey.

“An illness that happens to someone close to us (or to us) can bring us close to the bone, to the essence of who we are and what we are here for at a soul level. It is not just the patient, but others who are tested by the illness. When the life that is threatened or the body that is failing is not ours, it still affects us deeply; it can become a soul experience for us.”

Over the last year or so, I’ve had the privilege of working and spending time with dear friends who are cancer survivors. Some continue to fight the battle. Almost all have viewed their cancer as a gift.

I suppose that when you have such attitude, the ground beneath you shifts, and the healing goes to a different level. The wisdom gleaned from a journey with life-threatening illness is priceless and profound—both for the patient and the family and friends who support him or her.

Life-changing

Whether it is cancer, heart disease, an accident or diagnosis of life-changing illness, the journey begins inward. There is no other way to move forward and heal but to start with the self.

“Any strong, heartfelt or soul reason to live long enough and to do something specific can become the beginning of a long-term remission or a recovery when it mobilizes a will to live or a commitment to find out how. People who involve themselves in their disease and healing have many roles: They are students of the illness and treatments; they are actively involved, not passive patients,” says Shinoda-Bolen.

It is important to find a reason to go on and be involved in one’s treatment plan, to look at all healing modalities, both traditional and integrative, to heal the body and the spirit.

When illness strikes, we become acutely aware of our limited time on earth, but, even more important, of what remains.

“What matters to the soul is not the amount of time we have left, but whether we have enough time for what matters to us,” Shinoda-Bolen says.

Quick look

Illness makes us pause and take a quick look at our so-called bucket lists. We reevaluate dreams and plans and begin to seriously set aside time to make those plans come true.

We place our relationships under a magnifying lens and we begin to draw boundaries where there were none.

We sift the grain from the chaff, and release with equanimity those that kill the spirit and do not enhance our lives.

I’ve always found it moving to watch old and young couples take care of each other, giving the marital vow to stay together “in sickness and health” a much deeper meaning.

More often than not, the illness unmasks, for both parties, a depth of soul and love they did not know they possessed for one another. Illness that is shared, much like loss, either breaks or brings a couple together.

“Illnesses that take away physical attractiveness also strip away emotional defenses such as the illusion of being in control of invulnerability, or of eternal youth for both the patient and the partner. The onset of such an illness presents a challenge for the individual and for the couple: a time to grow up and grow deeper presents itself,” says Shinoda-Bolen.

Unhealthy relationships

Sadly, I have seen the opposite take place as well.

Several women I know had decided to finally break the bonds after realizing that their illness was linked to unhealthy relationships or experiences. A life-threatening illness, after all, can be a portal to a second wind, like a new beginning.

Regardless of chronological age, it is always possible to start again. Sometimes illness or loss is the incubation period for that new life.

In a time of healing, we also find ourselves even more grateful for the experiences that brought us to that point in the journey. Illness is life’s greatest teacher, when we let ourselves be vulnerable and find the courage to look deep within.

On the road to healing, we find ourselves making more time for what matters, and spending time with people who expand our spirits and bring joy to our hearts. Through introspection and quiet time, we reconnect with parts of ourselves that we took for granted, discovering once more the lost parts of ourselves on our journey to wholeness.

Finally, in a time of healing, we find our voice and our courage to speak up against anything and anyone who diminishes our physical health and our spirits.

When we learn to become true to ourselves, that is when true healing begins.

E-mail the author at [email protected]; follow on Twitter @cathybabao