“I’ve been a single mom since 1996. The biggest challenges are how to be an effective mom and still be able to provide for the kids.
“It’s a very difficult balance to achieve because something will always give. And then, there’s yourself that one shouldn’t forget.
“I often seek guidance from my counselor and listen to other moms. I read a lot also and apply whichever is applicable to our situation.
“There are short family meetings where we all discuss what is going on in our lives. I am quite open about the difficulties we face; there’s no sugar-coating there.
“But again, balance is required because I do not want the kids to feel saddled and guilty, thinking that they should be able to come up with solutions to the problems we face.
“In the end, I must have done something good because they both came out responsible and very loving sons.
“What do I wish to change? I wish society would understand the difficulties we face each day but not to the point of being condescending.
“For instance, schools should give enough consideration when asking for things to be brought to school. Working moms will not have the time to produce these so the kids can bring them to school the next day.
“I wish the workplace would be kinder to single moms. Is it possible to work from home? Kids need the guidance and presence of their parent (mom or dad).
“In our society where everything is readily accessible, the children need guidance now more than ever.”—Ruby Gan, mom to two boys, ages 23 and 25
Time-poor
“I’ve been a single mom for almost three years. My biggest challenge is that I’m time-poor.
“Because my work in marketing communications entail frequent trips, I sometimes feel guilty that I miss school events, activities or simply bonding with the kids.
“I feel a constant pressure to be there for them more, since I am the only parent who’s around. But I am blessed that my mom lives with us so I feel a lot safer even when I’m away. I know there’s still a parent figure at home.
“I face these challenges by embracing the fact that I could be a good single parent even if I’m not physically present all the time. Every chance I get, I take my kids out and indulge ourselves in simple joys.
“We are actually a lot closer now, post-separation. It also helps that when the marriage died, there was rebirth in my spirituality. Anything and everything, I surrender to the Lord. It makes the journey easier, happier.
“Society has become more accepting of single parents but there are still a few who would frown upon learning that I gave up on a marriage of over 20 years and decided to go solo.
“There are people (other parents mostly) who feel that single moms are so selfish, that they should have stayed in the marriage for the sake of the children.
“There are also some who feel that as a single mom, you’re automatically looking for another relationship, which I find utterly ridiculous.
“As a single mom, I don’t want society to treat me with special attention. Just be fair. Just give equal opportunities. And please don’t look at our children with pity. A broken marriage does not translate into broken kids.”—Margaux Soriano, mom to three kids, 23, 16, 10
Finances
“I’ve been a single mom for two years. The biggest challenge is with finances. I’ve had to shoulder most of the expenses in running the household.
“It is a good thing that I am receiving support from an aunt working abroad. She is paying for their schooling. My parents help out, too. I have to take on several jobs to make ends meet.
“My biggest beef is with men. Once they find out about my situation, they think I am fair game! Hello! I am single, not desperate!”—Maan, mom to four boys, 13, 9, 8, 6
Don’t judge
“Trust is the biggest challenge for me—trust in myself and in the people around me. But prayers, a lot of patience and understanding help through the challenging times.
“I have experienced being judged so many times because of my status. While society now is more forgiving and understanding to single moms, I hope it also learns not to judge easily. Each woman has her own different story; to pass judgment is simply unfair.”—Odette, mom to 10-year-old daughter
Pat on the back
“I have been a single mom since day one. The father of my eldest son left me in college after I gave birth and the father of my second child has been in hiding since I found out I was pregnant.
“I share custody with the father of my youngest son and he is responsible for most of the expenses of our son. I have a 10-year-old relationship with him but because of my past, I somewhat cannot get myself into settling down with him.
“I live with my two kids in my own home and we see each other regularly.
“If you asked me before, I would have said that getting into a normal relationship was my biggest challenge. But for the past decade of my life, our relationship has worked well for all of us.
“The biggest challenge for me really is for people to see me as no different from a married mom, that I can do what a married mom can do. I remember when I was interviewed by our HR manager, I was asked, ‘How can you work, you are single and when one of your kids get sick, who will take care of them?’
“Who takes care of the married moms’ child/children when they get sick? I don’t think their husbands will take a leave so the mom can continue to go to work.
“The constant experience of being judged that we are a liability because we are single is something I hope would change. People can be responsible, dependable, efficient, hardworking, etc. and it has nothing to do with being a single mom or a married mom.
“I used to be very insecure and constantly pressured to prove myself that I can be as good as my male counterparts or my married counterparts, but in time I learned to give myself a pat on my back. I learned to tell myself that I did a good job not because I doubled my effort because I was single, but because I gave it my best shot.” — Megi Garcia, mom to three children ages 12, 9 and 6
Stigma
“I’m a single mom as I am separated from my eldest son’s dad but I recently gave birth to a baby boy and I’m with his dad now.
“The biggest challenge would be to face all the financial obligations all by myself. It’s when the bills come in that you are faced with the reality that another life depends solely on you and you can’t fail.
“I face this challenge head-on and accept the responsibility by working hard to be able to provide for my son.
“I feel there is a stigma around single moms raising a kid alone. Society dictates that kids need two parents to have a ‘normal’ family. But you can raise your kids with role models in their lives instead. Role models for our kids can also be an uncle, friend or grandparent.
“I believe it is better to raise a child in a single-parent home than in a loveless home or a home in emotional turmoil.”— Abbey Lucas, mom to two kids, 7 and 1 month
A badge
“As a parent, we all want to instill discipline and values that our kids will be consistent in observing. With two different homes, perhaps the challenge lies in ensuring that these are always in place.
“Communication is always key. While parents may not be together under one roof, our roles should not change when it comes to the children. Aside from communicating especially on the more important matters, keeping an open mind, a reasonable willingness for compromise and remembering that we, as parents, want nothing but good for our kids are important musts.
“Our society has come a long way in accepting the realities of single parenthood. Media, exposure and experience, both positive or otherwise, have made single moms somewhat less of a stigma but more of a badge.
“To be resilient yet tough, to be hopeful while accepting. It’s pretty cool though and I wish single moms, and single dads too, would be commended rather than frowned upon!”— MTN, mom to two boys, 18 and 13
Not unhappy
“The biggest challenge was to adjust to other people who cannot deal with news that I am a single parent.
“Usually, I just tell them upfront from the beginning so they stop asking questions and stop speculating.
“I hope people stop thinking that single parents are at a disadvantage just because they don’t have a partner.
“I also hope they stop believing children are unhappy because of this. The thing is, when you surround your child with a loving environment that places respect for a person, kindness and compassion at the fore, everything will be all right.”—Ness Doctor, mom to an 8-year-old daughter
