DEAR Emily,

Life was perfectly smooth and comfortable eight years ago, until that fateful night when I discovered that my husband was having an affair.

He was the breadwinner and I was a stay-at-home mom. However painful, I accepted his apologies and made no fuss about it. He ended the affair and we moved on with our lives. But he lost his job due to intrigue in his office, and I was forced to work again.

In my job, I accidentally revived communication with someone very close to my heart. After that connection, he began to regularly call on me again. We started picking up the pieces of our interrupted friendship.

Things changed when both our spouses left to work abroad. He found the guts to ask me out. I refused him at first, knowing how vulnerable we could be. But after many refusals, I just ran out of excuses. I admit I was giddy like a teenager on our first outing. I considered those “dates” harmless.

I know the sensible thing to do is to cut off all forms of communication with him. I also know how rotten it is that while my husband is sacrificing so much to give us a comfortable life, here I am thinking of someone else. My husband has reformed after that messy affair, and he makes me feel loved even though he’s away.

But this other guy is making me feel very young again —pretty and alive. Can a girl just have some fun minus the guilt?

YOUNG AT HEART

What vulnerable married woman won’t feel flattered again by the attention of a long-lost beau? Who wouldn’t feel giddy and think sexy thoughts with that?

I’d even say chuck your husband, if he had not reformed in his philandering ways. But he has changed—and has even gone abroad to give you and your kids a better life. You said yourself he makes you feel loved even from afar.

Now that the cat is away, aren’t you just being the mouse that wants to play? Isn’t this guy being a cad, taking advantage of his wife’s absence as well?

Seems like you’re ready, set and go to do something—regardless. Two consenting adults planning to play house.

Are you prepared for the consequences, in the event that you two actually proceed to make something happen? This could break up both your families for a few moments of indiscretion. It could precipitate cracks in two relationships.

Just remember that walls have ears, and a thousand invisible eyes are connected to sharp tongues that could cut down and wreak havoc on all your romantic notions.

You can do anything your heart desires. Just be warned that this married guy, whose wife has sacrificed being separated from her family to give him a better life, can do the same to you once he has sated his whimsy.

If you are already feeling guilty before you have even begun this affair, does it not appear that your conscience is already tugging at your heartstrings, as it clearly knows best and already knows something you don’t?

Listen to it. If it doesn’t feel good, it probably isn’t right. Sad fact about conscience is, you carry it everywhere you go.

Is he really worth this burden?

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