There are couples who are living proof that love indeed lasts.
However, I’ve always wondered if love itself goes through the aging process along with us.
Does it, in fact, even possess any capability for change and, therefore, also the capability to evolve into something else in time; or is it a constant thing miraculously spared from aging, although obviously not from dying, as we’ve witnessed around us?
Ours, being a second-time-around relationship, is a much younger love compared with that of some of our couple friends, especially if we start counting only after we became a legal couple—just nearly 10 years. Scandalously longer, of course, if we count before that, but still and all, it’s physically impossible for us to catch up with contemporaries featured here.
I may not know if love changes, but I do know even now that it somehow expands as it takes on children and grandchildren, life in general and sometimes the whole universe—like Bill and Melinda Gates.
But the core, the heart of it all, is always the couple.
So I’ll leave it to these couples, who are well into their 60s, 70s and 80s, who are willing to speak about the state of their love.
Menchu and Ronnie Concepcion
Menchu: “What is my definition of love in my 70s? It’s no different from the love I felt 56 years ago when I married Ronnie.
“In the earlier years, a constant assurance from him of his undying love was very much cherished. Today, just waking up in the morning and seeing him beside me is enough assurance that our love is here to last.”
Ronnie: “When I fell in love with Menchu, my favorite song was Nat King Cole’s ‘When I Fall in Love.’ To this day, it still is my favorite. It seems to define exactly what I believe about love.
“When I married Menchu, I knew it would be forever. After 56 years, I think I can say we’re getting there!”
Sandy and Toti Fabie
Sandy: “This is our 50th Valentine together and the love that guided us through all these years remains the same. We liken it to a trip; despite the bumpy roads along the way, we’ve made it this far, and, God willing, till the end.”
Toti: “Love, like wine, gets sweeter with extra aging.”
Sony and Fritz Maramba
Sony: “Even in the ‘bloom of youth,’ I never thought of any definition of love. I just believed Fritz was the kind of man I wanted to marry; after, by the way, a courtship that climaxed by snail mail in which he wrote, ‘I’d like to change your initials to ADM and I do not mean Ateneo de Manila.’
“Here we are approaching 56 years of marriage, still good and solid, even if:
No one, including Fritz (except the grandchildren), can touch my desk and I do not touch his.
I miss him when he’s out of the house but take him for granted when he’s home.
The ‘electricity’ is almost gone for me, but not I think for him.
He is really the better half, except that the serious man I chose is now a bit corny.
Which all means, retired as we are, we bicker over little things and develop little quirks that can be annoying. But the ‘presence’ is what counts, and the companionship and the friendship. And the care and concern when one is sick—that’s priceless. Having these is how love lasts.”
Fritz: “Our concept of love has not changed, but the way it is expressed has changed. Let me cite a few examples:
I used to have flowers delivered to Sony on her birthday, Valentine’s Day and on our wedding anniversary. One time, she asked the deliveryman how much the flowers cost. She found it too expensive and told me ‘huwag na lang.’ The children chided her for that, but she prevailed. So no more flowers, just Mass together and lunch or supper with the family.
Early in our marriage, we used to give each other gifts. We ended up receiving gifts we did not really like, so all we give each other now is ‘love.’ When the birthday comes around, the children joke: So, all you will give is ‘love’!
On our 25th, 40th and 45th wedding anniversaries, we went to town and invited a lot of relatives and friends. But why is it that on our 50th, the anniversary of anniversaries, we turned ‘lazy’ and just went off by ourselves to our little farm in Laguna? How could we do that, said our family and friends. But we did.
“Maybe both of us are too practical—but better practical than ‘romantic,’ which has a shorter shelf life. At least, already in our 80s, we’re still together. Sitting before the television watching another and yet another Korean telenovela, we really look like an old couple.”
Gus and Tes Lagman
Gus: “Love was a lot of fun then. Tes and I were newly married and pursuing our budding careers. Like most young couples, we were living from one payday to the next. We have a favorite story that showed our priorities in life then: There was this movie screening at Rizal Theater that we wanted to watch. It was, however, the day before payday and we had only P10 left between us and poverty. Guess what we did? We went to the movies, of course. Easy decision.
“We were not very serious with life nor with money. Money was just something we needed to live on and to afford fun with—fun as we knew it. It was never written, nor did we agree or pledge about it, but we just knew we never wanted to fight about money. We know of couples who did, of siblings who did. And we both thought it was ugly. So, we never did. (Well, there was never much to fight over, anyway. Thank God for small blessings.) But it’s something we loved and continue to love each other for.
“We also never discussed it, but we knew that for love and our marriage to survive, there had to be mutual respect. While we did many things together, we also allowed the other a lot of space. Aside from work, we both became busy with our respective extracurricular activities. Sports for me, religious activities for her, professional organizations and cause-oriented activities for both.
“And again, we belong to that generation which showed a lot of respect for each other’s privacy. We would never open the other’s mail (e-mail now). We would never open each other’s wallet or personal drawers. Well, we both never really found the occasion for it, anyway.
“Love is still a lot of fun today. Especially if you live right next to a mall with six cinemas, you’re senior, and, therefore, do not have to pay for the movies! Popcorn and fruit juice come with a 20-percent discount and no VAT.
“There have been subtle changes in the way we show our love for each other, but there’s a lot more of what we used to enjoy and still continue to enjoy—very much like paperbacks being replaced by Kindles. They’re still the same books.
“There’s a third thing that we never had to agree on, but just did anyway—we always have a lot of humor in the house. And a lot more on Sundays when all our children and grandchildren come for lunch.”
Toti and Maribel Mendoza
Toti: “When I was working on my thesis at the College of Architecture at UST, my classmates told me to rush to the second floor corridor where students were gawking through the windows at the new and very young and pretty Spanish teacher they said would knock my socks off!
“Indeed, she almost did! That was the first time I saw Maribel. Two years later, I married her. That was the start of our love affair that has been blessed with eight children and eight grandchildren. After 54 years of marriage, I can definitely say, ‘The world changes, love stays!’”
