Dear Emily,

I am a 49-year-old woman, and eldest in a family of three children. I lived abroad right after graduation and got married there. I am divorced now with no kids, and came home a year ago.

Our parents have maintained a successful family business they founded almost 50 years ago. My two younger brothers, with families of their own, were handed the control of the business three years ago,

It was when I came home that our mother was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer. Despite the treatment, which has been withdrawn now, we’re caring for her to our utmost, hoping against hope.

Since she is not hooked on to anything, and with the presence of carers to minister to her, we’ve made sure we’re with her constantly.

We bring her out to enjoy the ride and views, and treat her to her favorite restaurants, which she sometimes still craves for. We pretend all is well with her.

My father, though, has started to pursue his own life—amazingly, since he and my mother had been really loving for over 50 years. Lately, we heard he has started dating a much younger woman almost my age.

They’ve even traveled abroad. He is acting like a teenage boy who has just been given his driver’s license and a new car, and is on the road with his new toys and sense of independence, going at high speed.

From living abroad too long and being exposed to different cultures, I fully understand his needs. But my siblings don’t, and can’t. They want his dating restrained, as it seems he’s acting like our mother has already died.

Considering the pain she’s suffering and the fate she has to face soon, they want him with her, to hold her hand, talk to her, and be with her till destiny claims her. It’s about his delicadeza, they say, and how people would talk about him.

Liberal Ann

Your father, who must be in his 70s, is possibly suffering more than you kids would ever know, considering his loving relationship with your mother for over 50 years.

Dating this early may make him look brazen and unconcerned to a common mind, and it’s clearly difficult to rationalize what he’s doing. But it could be his way of coping with the eventual loss of your mother.

By throwing caution to the wind and going on a seemingly heartless and mindless route with this young woman, he’s probably trying to deaden his anguish, save his sanity and dare not stare his own demise in the eye.

It’s different strokes for different folks, really. Tell your siblings to look at your father kindly and not to judge him blindly. They’re not in his shoes, and what they see him doing may not be all there is.

Grief is such an unfathomable and unquantifiable emotion. Some embed it at the back burner of their minds and not allow anyone around them to have any inkling about the turmoil inside. Others wear it on their sleeves and define themselves immediately by it.

Is this a case of desperate times calling for desperate measures?

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