As a child, I was a huge scaredy-cat.
I had overprotective parents who tried to shield me from all sorts of danger, real and imagined, because of their love for me. It took decades, much heartbreak and many losses before I finally grew into the courage that I have now. Close to 50 now, I’d like to think that I’m finally fearless.
I look back on my life and realize that the moments and circumstances that I feared most, were really, more often than not, those that liberated me. Perhaps because I knew very early on what it felt like to lose a loved one oh so suddenly, like you don’t know what hit you, and another one slowly slip away before my very eyes. I realized early on the value of never letting a moment pass me by.
Having lost a parent in childhood had its own deep ramifications on a greater part of my adult life, which I had to grapple with and process for a very long time. However, it was facing those very losses that taught me to treasure each day and prioritize what truly matters.
My tenacity and perseverance in the face of all odds, I’d like to believe, has been a result of seeing death up close so many times. Knowing all too well the brevity of life, I never leave anything unsaid, but always do so in kindness.
I watch my words more carefully now, knowing that I can’t ever take them back. And yes, I never let the sun go down on any ill feelings I may have toward another.
Mantra
1. Write it all down, and say it out loud. When you tell God and the universe what it is that you fear most, it loses its power over you. “When God takes you to it, He will take you through it.” It’s a mantra, if you may call it, which I’ve used in all the times when I no longer know what to do. Never fails.
2. Change your internal dialogue. I also like to call this technique “changing the channel,” like on a television set. You alone control the “on/off” switch to your fears. Those fears escalate because of the internal dialogue that you have with yourself. As a child, I remember one of the elves on the cartoon “Gulliver’s Travels” who loved to say, “We’ll never make it…” I always felt sorry for his glum and pessimistic nature.
Only you can turn off the negativity by changing that same internal dialogue. Remember that when you experience intense and irrational fears, you aren’t responding to the world; you’re responding to what you say to yourself about the world. Unless you have a crystal ball, majority of those fears are just imaginary, friend. Thus, instead of feeding them, learn instead to…
3. Lean into your fear and stare it in the face. Conquer those fears before it’s too late. Remember, in the end, we regret only the chances we didn’t take.
4. Relax, and be kind to yourself and to your inner child. A lot of our fears are rooted in childhood—in experiences that may have been traumatic, in reprimands given, in circumstances we have absorbed as children. Learn to relax, breathe deeply and slowly get into the core of that fear.
Work with a professional if you feel you need a companion to accompany you on the journey back.
5. Re-frame your story and make up a different ending. Fear is a story, and sometimes an illusion. We make up frightening stories about our past and our future, and rehearse them until we are terrified. Our stories are often about the pain of the past or fear of the future.
Change the fearful stories you tell yourself. Learn to live in the present moment. You always have the option to create new stories filled with positive expectations.
Embrace the unexpected
6. View life as an adventure. Life has many twists and turns. The unknown is always scary, especially if we find ourselves venturing into uncharted territory. We calculate the risks, remembering that victory belongs only to the patient, wise and courageous of heart.
We map out possible routes, but we must always be ready and willing to embrace the unexpected. I’ve always believed that sometimes, along life’s journey, we need to be lost in order to be found. If you don’t stand up and face your fears, you will never discover the hidden treasures along life’s path.
7. Trust that in the end, everything will work out for the good of everyone involved. No matter how difficult and painful the result of conquering your fears might be, trust that it will be all for the good.
In my own life, I’ve take many chances, and there have been a few times when it felt like I was hurled off a cliff, rolled on the ground, and got up again with scratches and all.
Naturally, there have been some battle scars, but if I were to live my life all over again, I wouldn’t have it any other way because the wisdom that has come with every fall could not have come without the pain. And each time that God has helped me get up, I’ve learned new things, and gained deeper insights into myself and others.
In the beautiful film “Life of Pi,” we are taught that often what we think will harm us is really that which teaches and transforms us. So face your fears today before it’s too late. Find the courage to heal the woundedness within.
Pain liberates; don’t run away from it, and instead embrace it because it is necessary for both courage and compassion. It will always be life’s greatest teacher.
Why be anxious about a future you have yet to see and experience? God takes care, and He always provides. More importantly, He’s always there to break your fall. Let go, trust and take that leap of faith.
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