Life is all about change, and turning points.
On the second week of the year, two good friends of mine made life-changing decisions; another one received news that could be considered a major turning point.
Friend A opted to retire from her corporate job at the age of 51 to focus her energies on setting up an NGO. It had been a dream of hers for the last 10 years.
Friend B, now in her mid-50s, decided to end her marriage after bravely carrying on for the last two decades or so.
Friend C, a busybody in her late 60s, was facing major surgery in a couple of weeks, the outcome of which would determine the course of her life over the next six months.
These women were success stories, always on the go. Each one found herself stopping, pausing for air at the start of the year, taking stock of what her next step should be.
As the seasons in your life change, so do the desires of your heart. I believe that God nudges you and speaks to your heart all the time. This is why we need to provide spaces in our lives to stop, to listen well, to discern and to heed the call, wherever we are led, trusting that we will be equipped with what we need for the journey.
Sometimes it’s hard to explain why we decide the way we do. Many factors come into play, but the most important thing is to listen closely to the whispers in one’s heart and look at the circumstances that unfold in every step of the journey.
It is equally important not to lose focus. A setback, if you can call it that, is not a sign that you have failed. I always like to view setbacks as a time to press the pause button, as a step toward something even better. It’s very important during a turning point to stay positive and to not lose heart or focus.
Focus
Travis Bradberry, co-founder of TalentSmart, the world’s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, says: “Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you’re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions which hinder self-control. When you focus on the actions you’ll take to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won’t dwell on problems because they know they’re most effective when they focus on solutions.”
Pause for a moment, but don’t stew, dwell or throw yourself a pity party. No one likes to attend those kinds of events except those who thrive on drama. And nowadays, with everything going on in the world, people have very little patience for that. Choose to be the hero, and not the victim.
Turning points bring up all sorts of emotions. The natural tendency is to bury those emotions or to try to get around them. Don’t. Embrace them, look them in the eye.
The mind is a very powerful tool. Fear is natural, but fear and anxiety can be tamed. Try to discern the root of your anger and fear. Sit with it, catch it in mid-air. Don’t let those emotions go overboard. Stay mindful. You’ll soon realize that your fears are irrational.
However, if you find that your anxieties have gotten the better of you, that it debilitates you, and have begun to affect the other parts of your life, then it may be time to seek professional help. There’s nothing wrong there, either. Professionals are there to help you stay the course.
Find the lesson. Yes, every life-changing circumstance carries a gift or a lesson to be learned. When you learn from your mistakes, when you listen to your pain and find out what it’s telling you, then you never really fail.
I’m not a huge Marilyn Monroe fan, but I read something she once said that, for someone who has been through a lot, makes perfect sense: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
When you find yourself going through a turning point, remember that plan B might actually be the better option. Stay flexible, study your options, find your strengths, analyze your resources, refine your plan.
In the ocean of life, we never know how or when the wind blows. The wise captain pays close attention to the journey, listens to his or her heart, and adjusts the sails in order to get to the destination, regardless of how choppy the waters might seem, or how long it takes.
E-mail the author at [email protected].
