Emily’s Post

Stop suffering the indignities of a mistress

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DEAR EMILY,

I am 31 and have two kids. I have a very complicated story. No one seems to want to help me out, because I am the mistress of a married man.  We have been living together for more than two years now, after his wife forced him out of her house in 2010.

I know we started out wrong and tried to end it. His wife harasses us, calling my officemates and even involving my dad and her parents. She created a scandal in my office, hurling invectives and physically abusing me.

I realize my mistake and I completely understand her pain and suffering, but should I be the only one to blame? I never did anything to her. I think my boyfriend came to me for comfort because of the way she treated him.

I had already separated from him because he was unable to protect me or stand up to his wife’s abuse, but she didn’t believe he had left me and continued harassing me. She even collects his entire monthly salary and won’t leave anything for his food or fare.

I pitied him for what was happening, so much that I took him back.  I couldn’t leave him not being able to afford three meals a day because he still has to pay for his room and fare.  It was so painful for me to see him suffer like that. I now pay for everything, even for his fare going to the office.

The wife recently barged into my house with their two kids, screaming her head off and demanding he go home with them, knowing it was my eldest daughter’s birthday and all her father could give her was his presence.

I’ve only asked my partner to be with us for Christmas and spend the rest of the holidays with them, but she wants everything for herself. Is it right for her to deprive her husband his salary, not even sharing his 13th-month pay so he can buy something for himself and our kids?  What else does she want?  She has all his money, at least P40,000 a month, and weekend visits.  My children could not even spend that much quality time with their father.

THE MISTRESS

Given the circumstances, I cannot give you the sympathy you’re probably expecting.  You destroyed a family, girl!  Were you raped at gunpoint?  Blindly believed his cock and bull story that he was single?  Did he swear on a stack of Bibles that he was separating from a difficult wife?  You had no right to have those children!  Haven’t you heard of condoms?  Did you think you’d be able to hold on to him by having them?    Or was your plan to be a single mother with no strings attached?

The guy is a married man! However unhappy or aggrieved he was when he took solace in your arms, he shouldn’t have transformed a bump on the road into a mountain. So he took a breather from his wife—did she even have an inkling he was unhappy with her?

The wife had every right to vent her anger—you destroyed her family!  It’s just too bad that in her rage, she stooped down to the lowest level of fish-wifery by humiliating you in public. She should have maintained her dignity by never laying eyes on you.  But her house was on fire, and no way could she calm her raging adrenaline without storming in and saving whatever she could.

Your illegitimate children have rights under the law. But it cannot be legislated that the father spend time with them during their birthdays or Christmas and other events. That’s a decision he alone can make, with or without his wife’s consent.  Apparently, your boyfriend feels he has to spend crucial occasions with his real family.  There now is a loss-loss situation for you because you really don’t know where you stand.

Society grudgingly accepts extramarital jaunts when there is great love involved.  Had he made a stand to stick with you by fixing the legal side of your relationship, the wife would have had no choice but surrender her claim on his affection, after a while.  But the fact that she can make herself a menace to everyone around you speaks volumes about this man’s lack of spine and control of the situation. He may be sleeping with you, but is he providing a future for you?

Make an honest woman of yourself by making sure where you stand. You’re only 31! How can you be throwing away your whole future for someone who doesn’t know where he belongs?

E-mail emarcelo@inquirer.com.ph or emarcelo629@gmail.com

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Van-Lyndel-Sales-Tolentino/1201068692 Van Lyndel Sales Tolentino

    How could you say that to another woman, Ms. Marcelo? The mistress was obviously regretful of how her relationship started. Why assume that she destroyed her boyfriend’s original family? And after two years since the man was thrown out by his own wife out of their home, don’t you think pointing fingers at who’s to blame for their respective current situations is already out of this?

    Judging by the mistress’ account, any man, even the nicest of us all, would have looked elsewhere for affection when his wife turned out to be like the one in this story. By the way the wife acts in front of her children, I’d say she should be locked up for causing them psychological trauma, not the mistress. I think the moral of the story should have been the necessity for a law on divorce. Any psychological/psychiatric expert would tell you that keeping a marriage for the sake of the children only causes more harm on the latter.

    You also said: “…it cannot be legislated that the father spend time with them during their birthdays or Christmas and other events. That’s a decision he alone can make, with or without his wife’s consent.  Apparently, your boyfriend feels he has to spend crucial occasions with his real family.  There now is a loss-loss situation for you because you really don’t know where you stand.”

    Firstly, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a loss-loss situation–just as there is no outside-in when there is an inside-out (idioms can be very tricky, listen to how stupid Tagalized Nickelodeon cartoons sound). And secondly, no part of the story says anything that the man didn’t want to spend Christmas with the mistress. Compared to a more civilized society, I’d say the wife is like the crazy ex-girlfriend. And how bad is it that she used her children to try to control her husband who obviously cannot stand the way she treats him?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Van-Lyndel-Sales-Tolentino/1201068692 Van Lyndel Sales Tolentino

    How could you say that to another woman, Ms. Marcelo? The mistress was obviously regretful of how her relationship started. Why assume that she destroyed her boyfriend’s original family? And after two years since the man was thrown out by his own wife out of their home, don’t you think pointing fingers at who’s to blame for their respective current situations is already out of this?
     
    Judging by the mistress’ account, any man, even the nicest of us all, would have looked elsewhere for affection when his wife turned out to be like the one in this story. By the way the wife acts in front of her children, I’d say she should be locked up for causing them psychological trauma, not the mistress. I think the moral of the story should have been the necessity for a law on divorce. Any psychological/psychiatric expert would tell you that keeping a marriage for the sake of the children only causes more harm on the latter.
     
    You also said: “…it cannot be legislated that the father spend time with them during their birthdays or Christmas and other events. That’s a decision he alone can make, with or without his wife’s consent.  Apparently, your boyfriend feels he has to spend crucial occasions with his real family.  There now is a loss-loss situation for you because you really don’t know where you stand.”
     
    Firstly, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a loss-loss situation–just as there is no outside-in when there is an inside-out (idioms can be very tricky, listen to how stupid Tagalized Nickelodeon cartoons sound). And secondly, no part of the story says anything that the man didn’t want to spend Christmas with the mistress. Compared to a more civilized society, I’d say the wife is like the crazy ex-girlfriend. And how bad is it that she used her children to try to control her husband who obviously cannot stand the way she treats him?

  • cleoan

    It is the other woman’s call for an extra-marital affair to actually happen. Men will be men and will flirt around whenever they can. But if the woman says no, nothing can happen. She dove into that relationship, she should know the consequence.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NWTWAWQO7MWPOD75YHMUCR2IWU Mux

      Wow, so to you all men are flirts? That’s demonizing to us men. Some, or rather many of us are faithful to our spouses. 

  • AmazingHulk

    My God, this woman is laughable. She’s a mistress. She can’t demand to have the guy at certain times. She’s asking the WIFE to share? Demanding 13 month pay? Seriously? Well, maybe the wife wouldn’t give any money to the husband because he’ll just use it to play around with broads, and father some more illegitimate children? She deserves the abuse. The man too, since it takes two to tango. And wow, other commenters are blaming only the mistress since “men are weak” etcetera. Really? So men are naturally perverts and cheaters? Aren’t you speaking so lowly of men? What, you think men are animals? My goodness. What kind of bull is this, “She’s so mean to him that’s why he came to me”? He’s married. Maybe the wife is mean because her husband turned out to be a do*che who’d leave a family for a new lay. Maybe he turned to the mistress because he was a pervert who wanted an easy lay, and she was one who’d gladly spread her legs. We don’t know. Regardless, the woman is supposed to say no.Yes, I’m judging the mistress and the man. Why not? One, they are law breakers. Two, they both ruined a family. Three, they made children cry (legal wife’s and mistress’). Four, they’re both stupid, indecent people. The man obviously did not take his vows seriously. The woman doesn’t care about vows made between the man and wife.She’s crying foul because the wife insulted her and everyone around her found out that she stole a husband. Boo-hoo. Too bad we look down at mistresses as wh*res. What about the hurt she caused the wife? Marriage is soooo beyond a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship, people. This is not about a “current” girlfriend and a “crazy ex-girlfriend.”Tolerance to this kind of crap will seriously be the start of our society’s breakdown. 

  • September04

    If you can afford that bf of yours, you can afford to raise your kids alone.
    Cut your ties with them (him and his wife). . . your kids does not deserve this kind of life.  .  . lagi mo sigurong iisipin – ay kasi may anak kami – . . .you are young. . .grow up girl. . .you can do it. . . para sa anak mo. . .at para na rin sa iyo

  • Badudels

    I really admire your advises. KUDOS!

  • mm49

    The nerve of this mistress to complain! You ruined a family and bore illegitimate children from the married man you stole, of course the angry wife will come running after you and the people around you. Now, you’re whining because the wife doesn’t want to share any money her husband earns or raises hell everytime he spends his time with you and your kids?! If you are tenenunder,  still living under a rock, or has a brain of a fish – get this: mistresses don’t get to have those rights! You knew perfectly well the man was married but you still chose to be with him and even bear children – if you and you’re kids are suffering from your stupidity, then that is your fault and your cross to bear! You cannot justify your relationship with a married man because of marriage troubles he says they have because that is entirely their business, not yours. It’s obvious you don’t have any respect for the sanctity of marriage, and pretty much apparent that you don’t have much respect for yourself as well. But if you truly love your children and wish for them to have some respect and dignity, you will do the right thing and strike it out on your own and become the mother they can be proud of.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/N7YXP5VJH6M35RUEQVOCPZGLSQ Antonio

    I share to the opinion of SolitaJ that you have the right not to be physically and verbally abused by the wife of your boyfriend despite what happened. I am not blaming you and the wisdom of your decision of going into a relationship with him because definitely even though you have seduced him it will not happen if he did not allow himself to fall.  I feel that you come from a decent family. also you are an intelligent woman but loves to do stupid things.  you may have thought of going into a relationship with a married man is a cool thing or you just want to hurt your dad because of reason only you are aware well you are successful on that department girl, however you also put yourself in a very vulnerable situation and the saddest part is the children were caught in the crossfire of your miscalculated moves. To you partner I address this, bro, I am not saying I am holier than thou, I have my own shortcomings but i see to it i dont leave traces and most of all i do not want to make the innocent suffer because of the heat between my thighs.put a stop on you miseries, decide when do you want to stop suffering the pain of uncertainties.  give your self a break, you are only 31 there is still so much time to plan for your future, give your kids the chance to live in a peaceful and relax environment. wherein they will not be exposed to harsh words at their young and tender age.  Pray my dear, i dont care to what denomination you belong what is important is to pray for guidance and healing. 

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