DEAR EMILY,

I’m working at a resort as a receptionist. I’m not in a relationship now because I just got out of one where I had an abusive boyfriend. I didn’t want to get involved again so soon after.

But I met this girl and we had sex twice. I’m not sure if I’m gay. I’m so confused. I really like her but I don’t know if I should tell her what’s going on in my mind. We are from different countries so that makes it very complicated. I also don’t like long-distance relationships.

—Not Sure

Answer:

You were last with a man, and now you’re with a woman. Do you consider that a problem for you? Is this something you cannot accept or is the “gayness” a non-issue?

Your situation is quite perplexing considering that this is clearly new to you, but not unthinkable. You agreed to having this relationship with another woman, yet you’re unsure of your sexuality? What drove you to her anyway? Did she seem to be just a generic sexual fulfillment?

What you should be asking yourself is—is this really the true you? Meaning, are you color-blind, so to speak, to the sexuality of the person you’re involved with at that moment? Or to call it by its name—are you bisexual and didn’t know it?

Don’t over-analyze what happened to you and this girl. As long as nobody put a gun to your head, drugged your drink, you are just being a healthy woman with a healthy sexuality.

You may tell her what’s going on in your mind, if that will give you peace eventually. There’s nothing like honesty to keep a relationship on an even keel.

E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]