DEAR EMILY,

I am 26 years old, seven years into a relationship with a female who is three years older than I. I am taking up my MBA overseas in a topnotch business school, while she is working as HR manager in a different city. She’s an extrovert while I am not. We met through the Internet and saw each other only after four years of being phone-pals. We lived together for a fabulous three-year period, after which I moved overseas for my MBA.

While our marriage plans looked perfect post-MBA and life seemed all set, something happened. A month after I left, she fell for a colleague of hers. I felt hurt and deeply betrayed and tried breaking up with her, but couldn’t. I truly love her and would kiss the ground she walked on.

She said she still loves me and wants me in her life. However, she cannot make up her mind between this guy and me. He has proposed marriage to her and they’ve not stopped being intimate. He has a very strong personality that I think overwhelms her so that she does what he tells her to do. I know I am being weak, but I tried meeting other girls and found that I am not comfortable with new friendships.

Almost nine months have passed with her being in this state. At one point, she decided to break up with the other guy and marry me, but changed her mind just as fast. She has a tendency to be dominating, and I who love her try to accommodate all her wishes.

Being far and away from her leaves me very lonely. I will visit her soon and I don’t know how we can resolve this problem. I don’t know what I’ll do if she breaks up with me. Somehow, despite everything, I cannot accept throwing away the seven years we’ve had together.

—Suffering

That’s what’s so unfathomable about falling in love. Despite having your psyche dragged across blade-sharp misery, and having yourself humiliated and treated inhumanely—you are still able to rationalize in that little corner of your hopeful mind to hang on to a sliver of a chance that your relationship with this woman, who doesn’t deserve you, will have a happy conclusion.

Seven years is not so long a period to believe she has to be in your life forever. You can cut your losses right this minute and open your life to new possibilities. Unless you’d much rather keep on suffering over this woman who has no compunction in inflicting this misery on you! Unless you are a masochist?

She’s weighing the odds between you, her kindly but introverted faraway first boyfriend, or the dominant and steadfast second who is nearer to her, in every sense of the word. Clearly, he wins hands down.

You’re abroad and stacking up on your intellectual reservoir that will secure a bright future for you. Soon, you may have to fend off the swarm of women who’d throw themselves at one so eligible. But now, you may be longing for a dead star—something that is shining so brilliantly from afar—but in truth is already dead at the source. Love her if you must, but cut yourself some slack.

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