I locked myself in his room, holding his phone where I saw the messages he sent to try to fix things with his ex. My heart shattered but the overwhelming feeling was fear.
What will he do to me when he finds out that I went through his phone? I immediately called my friend. Through my silent whimpers, she already knew I needed her to save me from him.
I was able to walk out of that sullen place because I knew my friend was outside. She managed to get to me even without knowing his address—I needed her and she was there. Throughout that night, she was there to console me even if she had prior plans of her own.
After being in a long-term relationship that began when I was 16, dating remains a mystery. I was naive since my understanding of it was always confined to my juvenile definition of what love was. Back then, love was when he would make you feel kilig when he sends cute (but generic) messages throughout the day.
When I look back on whether I really experienced what love truly is, apart from the love I received from my parents or relatives who cared for me, I think of my friends
When I look back on whether I really experienced what love truly is, apart from the love I received from my parents or any relatives who cared for me, I think of my friends—not any past lovers.
Through time and seeing how deep my friendships are with my women and queer friends, what love is has become apparent to me.
Writer and “Everything I Know About Love” author Dolly Alderton couldn’t have said it better: “Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt from my long-term friendships with women.”
The friendships I’ve had with women and queer people deepened my understanding of love. Love doesn’t have to be grand gestures or pakilig. Love is found especially in mundane experiences: when your friend whispers to you that you have lipstick on your teeth or when your friend isn’t as forgiving to people who’ve hurt you.
I know what love is because my friends loved me after they had seen me at my worst. They know the parts of me that I find unlovable yet they’re still around to assure me that I am worthy of admiration. Despite my embarrassing quirks and bad habits, they stand by me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve also learned facets of love through family, but I find love in friendships especially beautiful because you’re just people who bumped into each other yet you chose to find a home in each other.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve also learned facets of love through family, but I find love in friendships especially beautiful because you’re just people who bumped into each other yet you chose to find a home in each other
My friends are the standard. Their friendship showed me the kind of love I deserve because they give me no less than that. Though there are times when the things we do irk each other, I know that love sits still and unwavering in us. I mean, who doesn’t get annoyed from time to time, right?
When I think of the relationships that I have with my women and queer friends, the overwhelming thought is “Damn, I’m so lucky.” Some people think they’re lucky to have met their significant other, while I consider myself lucky to have met these people in my life.
Only a few of us get it right in love, and whether or not I find a lover who won’t make me feel the fear and heartbreak I did in the past, I know that I have met love because I’ve met my friends.
Art by Katrina Valerio
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