HI, EMILY,
I married a wonderful man, and our relationship is envied by many. He is God-fearing, a good son and brother, great father, a good provider.
From the start, I’ve always initiated our lovemaking. I used to mind it, but I have accepted and blamed it to stress at work. When our child was born, we were lucky she slept through the night straight. Wouldn’t you take advantage of that and make time for yourselves?
He doesn’t. I am tired the whole day taking care of our child, and want a little caressing from him. We talk a lot and he even says “I love you” to me, and kisses me every so often. But I feel he’s just going through the motions, as he himself says these are expected of him.
Months pass and we don’t have any physical contact. I think he has forgotten how to be a good husband. We’ve tackled this problem countless times, and in his mild manner he just leaves the house for a few days till I cool off. I can bet my life that there’s no other woman involved.
Do men, once married, really lose their interest in satisfying their wives? It’s okay if we’re in our 50s, but we’re just in our early 40s. I want to be happy so I can make others happy, too. This has been happening for over a year now and I don’t want to test my fidelity to him.
—Longing Wife
At 40, you two should still be having a sex-filled life—probably not hanging from the chandelier anymore, but still interesting, and not retired from it. Many men even use it to de-stress themselves.
Clearly, your husband has a problem. Could he be harboring a deep-seated problem if you yourself admit that this has been the norm of your marriage from the start?
Who initiated getting married anyway? Has he been this disinterested in sex even while you were in the courtship stage? If so, have you not wondered why, ever? Could he have been pushed into a relationship he was really not into?
If he is not under medication or barred by a physical defect, and there is no other woman involved, have you asked him point-blank if it is a man he wants? There is no shame in loving another man.
Ask him to be truthful to himself. Truth will give him strength while allowing you to find peace at last. You just cannot go through this sham, sweep everything under the rug, and on the surface go through a supposedly idyllic marriage!
It’s like hiding a dead fish. Sooner than later it’s bound to smell, and what have you got in the end? A long-delayed embarrassment, not to mention a litany of finger-pointing.
Why prolong your agony? Bring everything out in the open. It’s only right.
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