DEAR Emily,

How do I tell my son that his wife gave birth 10 months ago to a daughter courtesy of another man?

My son is 32 years old and works in the Middle East. He will come home in November. Before he went abroad, he and his wife were already at odds with each other.

Six years his senior, his wife told him that she no longer loved him and that she was seeing this man.

My son packed up his clothes and came home to us.  That was six months before he went abroad. He has an 9-year-old daughter with his wife.
His wife is now living with this man in her parents’ house, which used to be the home she shared with my son.

My son has no inkling that his wife had gotten pregnant.  How can I tell him something so hurtful? He has told me, however, that he is interested in a classmate of his in college, with whom he has gotten close to in social media.

This may mean he has moved on. Still, he might be adversely affected if he finds out about his wife’s pregnancy.

CONCERNED MOTHER

Aren’t you babying your son too much? That the more you shield him from reality, the more he will not develop the spine he’d need to face this crisis?

Telling him the truth will not break him into pieces. Obviously, you’d want the news to land gently—but it’s not like he and his wife have had a fantastic marriage to speak of.

They’ve broken up and she already told him in no uncertain terms that her love for him has flown out the window, that there’s now a new man in her life.

This new baby will just be the last nail on the coffin that should cement your son’s resolve to move on and begin a new chapter with this woman he is interested in.

Go ahead. Call him, e-mail him, Skype him and bring him the bad news. He and you should celebrate the fact that one more unhappiness has been lifted from your shoulders… that there’s going to be one less unpleasant person in his future.

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