DEAR EMILY,
I’ve been married eight years and have three children. My husband and I get along well, but we’ve become just like brother and sister for a long time now. His libido has diminished with middle age. Granting that he cannot perform anymore, how difficult is it to give me a hug?
This has upset me but rather than dwell on it, I just focus on his strengths. But this aspect is also diminishing. When we would have conversations before, they are now just turning into criticisms and later arguments. We cannot seem to communicate anymore.
Middle of this year, a male family friend joined the company I am working for, and long story short, we not only revived an old friendship, but got to know each other emotionally as well. We haven’t gone to bed, fully conscious that we’re both married, but we have already crossed the line and have become emotionally intimate.
We are both lonely for affection from our respective spouses, needless to say.
I am so tempted that maybe we should give in once and just get it over with. But will that one time be enough or will we just be more drawn to each other? I also don’t know if I can live with myself or be able to face my husband or the guy’s wife who happens to be my friend as well.
—Struggling Wife
Jumping into an affair is easy. But are you prepared to walk away as easily from it and cut its sticky strings after you’ve started it?
Being this lonely housewife with your vulnerable frame of mind—and with your lover hovering around you at work practically your whole waking hours—could be a recipe for disaster. This may just terminate your marriage sooner than you think, with no solid ground to land after that!
It’s romance and caring that you are gasping for and foolishly thinking this is the guy to do it! You are seeing in him a rosy future that will go on till eternity. You forget that all liaisons start dangerously the way of a hot summer day, which cools sadly and realistically, like the dark of the night.
Don’t use this guy as a crutch you can lean on. There’s not much strength in that. Have an affair because you feel for this guy with all your heart—because he is he.
Do not use an affair with him as an excuse for a crappy marriage.
E-mail [email protected] or [email protected]—subject: Lifestyle.
