You’re not flexing those muscles in front of the mirror anytime, because you probably never, ever will get Instagram-worthy biceps and triceps.

 

You are no Sean O’Pry or David Beckham or Chris Evans. You can’t afford unlimited hours at the gym or a diet that goes hard-line herbivore, save for tuna or salmon. You don’t have the metabolism to make that extra cup of rice not translate to a bulging tummy. Furthermore, you have a big frame, so you can do only so much.

 

You’re the middle ground: neither thin nor stocky.

 

We understand, more so Mackenzie Pearson who, in 500 words, explained why girls would love to love men like you, men with the dad bod. (Read www.theodysseyonline.com/clemson/dad-bod/97484.)

 

“The dad bod is a new trend and fraternity boys everywhere seem to be rejoicing,” said Pearson. Note that fraternity boys, as portrayed in the movies, are the cool boys.

 

She added: “Turns out skipping the gym for a few brews last Thursday after class turned out to be in their favor.”

 

Apparently, with the dad bod, you are cuddlier, less intimidating than the zero-fat type, and the better guy at the dining table. You are a walking self-image booster, even.

 

And, Pearson added, your body isn’t changing in the years to come. (Of course, we do not agree with all the points.)

 

But thank heavens for her playful mind, you’re feeling a little better about yourself. Some people do a double-take on you now. Others even see you as the hero, sporting the body type of the perpetually hot Leonardo DiCaprio or everyone’s love-hate boyfriend Simon Cowell.

 

Jimmy Fallon talked about you—arguably his kind—joking that the dad bod was once named the father figure (Benta!).

 

Articles appear everywhere to praise you, save for the buff guys who call you some lazy dude, and feminists who think you are a double-standard masquerading as a trend.

 

The trend felt genuinely empowering—it made us feel a little more payat, a little more confident to wear sando even if we’ve braved the summer in sleeved shirts for years. Finally, we thought, the norms are adjustable, more hospitable to the “big-boned.”

 

Kaso, the buff people have a point when they say the dad bod is being used as an excuse for alcoholism or gluttony, among others. So, we’re putting out this guide, just so you can answer the question: “Am I really a dad bod, or is this just an excuse?”

 

1. Work out—sometimes.

 

Okay. You can convince yourself that you are career-oriented so you can’t carve out time for exercise. That’s good excuse. We’ve used it to dodge boxing and Zumba sessions months ago.

 

Regardless, you should still find time to work out, because the dad bod is only a middle ground. There’s a point where you become, simply, unfit. Remember what Pearson noted: The dad bod still works out.

 

The good thing about the dad bod is, you can rest when you’re feeling sore.

 

2. Eat right—often.

 

A friend said that getting fit is 25 percent exercise and 75 percent diet. By this, we mean that the lion’s share of your budget can basically go to eating right.

 

It will hurt, of course, because in this abnormal marketplace, you pay more for less—less sugar, less fat, etc. The last time we tried, P2,000 had to go for non-fat milk, cereals, fiber-rich bars and a lot of fruits.

 

Again, the dad bod gives you space for cheat days, so if you have bills to pay, you can skip. It gives you a margin for budgeting mistakes, too.

 

3. Office work is OK.

 

The movies make the six-pack abs a short-term goal, and one you do not have to maintain.

 

What they don’t show is the months of sweat and strict dieting, if they are not blessed with the genes. Case in point: Chris Pratt, or Aljur Abrenica’s “machete diet” years ago. Furthermore, these people are paid, so half their job is to get fit!

 

If you have a gym facility in your office, good for you; but most don’t, and those who sit for hours unfortunately get fat around the stomach area—complete with acid reflux, gastroenteritis and things we cannot mention here.

 

Finally, the dad bod encourages you to work out, and still makes you hot and in-demand without the abs.

 

4. You can let go.

 

Perhaps one of the best things the dad bod articles teach men is the right to splurge on beer during weekdays and/or Friday nights, especially when destressing.

 

Really, letting go of the self-conscious self-regulations can teach you to get rid of your narcissistic tendencies, too.

Beer belly for the win. #nuffsaid

 

5. Dad bod “might be” a stage.

 

So they would stop telling you that you are an “unfair advantage,” you should think that the dad bod can actually be a stage, an in-between. Just in case you suddenly want to be a triathlete or stud, both aren’t far off because they’re still “uso,” the transition would be easier.

 

The new aesthetic should not become your excuse to drink or eat whatever you want. Besides, women will surely be able to tell the dad bod from the bad bod.

 

So, do you have a dad bod?