DEAR Emily,

Twenty-five years is a long time to be married to my one and only boyfriend —but not my first love.

My first love was my crush in the elementary grade. He courted me on and off over the years, and though I was very much in love with him, I never gave him a chance. I had this feeling that he only courted me because he knew I was in love with him.

I’d hear once in a while that he would ask about me. Then on Valentine’s Day, he called me from overseas just to tell me that he will never forget me. I felt a bit of regret not giving him a chance to court me properly.

It’s not that I don’t love my husband and family. I love them so much that I can’t live without them. It’s just that I feel I owe it to my first love to let him know that he was the very first love of someone—me—once upon a time. It’s not love anymore that I feel, and it may not be even be important to him to know this. But I want to unload the baggage I’ve carried in my heart and mind all these years.

I am afraid, though, that he might misunderstand my intentions if I tell him that. Is this being unfaithful to my husband if I do so?

BURDENED LADY

It’s always nice to be wanted at whatever age. What woman wouldn’t be thrilled to hear sweet nothings from an old adored love telling her once again that he will never forget her?

But these are just words, and however romantic and lovely they soothe our ears, words are nothing but air. They come, they go, they disappear.

Unless, of course, he pursues you seriously and relentlessly this time—but that’s another story.

You might have loved him dearly once upon a morning glory, but something in your heart told you otherwise, and made you choose your husband instead. Despite your excitement now, be aware that this old love could be a dead star. A dead star appears blindingly bright from afar—but it is dead at the source.

Talk to him if you want, flirt with him to your heart’s content and relish the excitement of your youth once more. But, please, don’t rock your marriage unnecessarily. There might be too great a price to pay later—and for what—for just being sentimental?

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