16 SEPTEMBER 2015
My darling Niccolo,
Today is the day you become a man. Damn. Incredible.
It seems like just a change of a nappy and a burp ago that you were born. That day was the most traumatic of my life, as I waited to see whether you or your Mum would be all right after her emergency Cesarian section. But it was all worth it when you emerged, square-headed and misshapen, blinking in the hospital light.
When you were a toddler, people would look at your beautiful face framed by black curls, and think you were a little girl. As you grew up, it became clear to everyone that you were a special boy who could relate to anyone, young or old, and who could be involved with a stranger just as easily as his best friend. It is a rare quality.
When I tell anyone that you want to study medicine, they all say, “Yes, Nico would make a good doctor. I would want to be treated by Nico.” This is because you are a caring, compassionate and clever young man. You have a lovely aura. People are always magnetized to you.
I am proudest when I see my ever-so-polite man interacting with others in such a respectful way. If “manners maketh the man,” my son is very much the complete man.
I look forward to everything you will do with your life. There will be sad episodes and low points, but all of these just make the happy episodes and high points so much more worthwhile. I hope to hold your children and grandchildren in my arms. I will love them as much as I love you.
You will always be the best parts of your mother and father, and none of the bad.
I will always strive to protect you and keep you safe. Take risks, do what your heart wants to do, do not be afraid of failure, earn your dreams, deserve your life.
I love you very much, my only son. Happy 18th birthday.
All my love,
Daddy
Next 82 years
Words of advice to my son for the next 82 years:
l. Your integrity is priceless. Your family is precious, too. Only sacrifice the first for the second.
2. Always keep your promises. Always be true to your word. Never say anything to your children that you don’t mean. Always treat others with respect even when they are stupid. Then rip them apart.
3. Do the big things first. The rest can wait. Fill your life with big things, not little ones.
4. Learn to make one good pasta dish, preferably with only 15 minutes of preparation, one good roast dish, one good dessert, one good starter and several good cocktails. Always have a bottle of champagne or bubbly in the fridge.
5. A woman who treats a waiter well is worth keeping. So is one who chooses your favorite cuisine on the second date. That’s why I knew I wanted your mother.
6. The right one is the one who makes you laugh. This is why you and your sisters both laugh with your mother, but at your father.
7. The one you find most beautiful without makeup is the one who should bear your children.
8. Tell the ones you love that you love them every day. It’s good to tell your friends your feelings for them, too.
9. Marriage is all about compromise. Most disagreements are not worth fighting over. Some things are, though, and these are the ones you make a stand for.
10. Don’t be afraid to say no to friends. If they are offended, then they aren’t really friends. Anyone who makes you guilty about leaving needs to be dumped.
11. The best friends are the ones you meet at Tanglin (Singapore) because you have seen them at their worst. The ones you make at university are already tainted by an adult veneer.
Not good enough
12. Keep in touch with everyone you call a friend at least once a year, face to face or via telephone conversation or a letter. A WhatsApp message saying “What’s up?” is not good enough.
13. Wake up with the dawn so the birds can sing to you, and you can be thankful for your life without interruption.
14. Good food is better than good medicine, good sleep is better than good tranquilizers, good exercise is better than good rehab.
15. Exercise until you are exhausted, read until your head bursts, sleep with as many blankets as you can.
16. Doing nothing except listening to your own thoughts and your own breathing is a fine activity.
17. Going for a walk is never a waste of time, especially if you have no watch.
18. Buy experiences, not things; make memories rather than take pictures; look out the window rather than at your phone.
19. The greatest gift you can give anyone is your time and attention; the greatest insult is treating anyone as invisible.
20. When you are wrong, apologize straight away, look the person in the eye, and rectify the situation.
21. It’s easier to ask forgiveness afterward than ask permission beforehand, but it’s easiest to do the right thing after thinking about it first.
22. There is nothing better than putting your children to sleep, but watching a film with them slumped all over you comes close. So does singing and dancing with them.
23. Give sincere praise. Praise which is over the top will be immediately recognized as such. But accept a compliment with thanks and give one in return.
24. The ideal praise to criticism ratio is 5 to 1. Make the ratio higher for your wife.
25. Small, unexpected gifts are better than extravagant but planned surprises.
26. Don’t steal anything, use fakes or accept anything that you should pay for.
27. Hard work reduces the chances of bad luck ruining everything.
28. Read at least 18-20 pages of non-work-related writing a day, preferably from a book with real pages.
29. Having regrets is okay for 5 minutes. Then, move on.
30. The only opinion you should care about is that of future generations—and that of your parents.
The author lives and works in Singapore with his Filipino wife, Anna Assunta Sarte, and their son and two daughters.
