Dear Emily,
I lived abroad with my child in my first 10 years of marriage due to some circumstances. And from that time till now, I’ve had to bear two decades of my husband’s numerous indiscretions.
When I was abroad, he had an affair with someone who flaunted their relationship and didn’t care if he was married or not. They were seen around acting like a couple.
He also flirted with other women, including a friend of mine. Even if I got wind of this, it didn’t make me confront him or rush back home to the Philippines.
The first few months after I got back, I would overhear him talk to many women telling them his family had arrived so he was unable to talk freely. Through all these, he claimed he was never intimate with these women. But I highly doubt it.
These “friendships,” as he labels them, continue. There may be more, but I have only come to know of specific cases. It makes me so livid. I want to destroy their careers—report them to their companies and file Violence Against Women charges.
Clearing this mess and taking revenge is a tedious process. Should I just walk away from this serial cheater? I cry my heart out and am anxious to start all over again. I deserve a peaceful existence in my remaining years—and maybe, find true love.
My love for him has died along with his betrayals.
SUNSHINE
You must have loved him to the core, as you could have left him when you had the freedom to do so abroad. Why didn’t you?
Did you want the whispers about his women turning into a chorus before doing anything? Was it love, lust or just carelessness? But too late now for that 20/20 hindsight.
It’s easy to separate. You just pack up and leave. But what you’d be bringing with you are just material possessions. You may be leaving behind vestiges of love still in your heart that could very well hound you from afar.
Your husband could be this immature womanizer who seems to have this vacuum he’s trying to fill up subconsciously. The number of them seems unable to bring him contentment.
If it’s any comfort, looks like you’ve been the only one constant he couldn’t leave. He must love you to make him stay on, but then again, there’s still something lacking in you that makes him restless.
Why not first take a break from him and let the din quiet down? Let your anger cool off, and allow your mind to remember what you loved in him? Plumb your memories for the happy days you’ve had together and let them be your companion for your time alone.
See what happens next. If all memories of him slide down your mind like water on a duck’s back, then you’re truly over him. But if they still affect you and bring back warm feelings of your relationship—clearly, you’re not out of the woods yet.
It’s easy to say things in the heat of the moment. But it’s the stuff that remains unsaid that matters and weighs heavy in the heart. Your spirit may be willing to leave him, but it’s the weakness of the flesh you’ll have to deal with in making your final decision.
E-mail the author at emarcelo@inquirer. com.ph or [email protected].
