I follow your column and see how you’ve dealt with men and women having affairs. But it was only recently, when this woman owned up to her own affair, that you got a backlash for her honesty. Why the double standard?
I am in the eighth decade of my life, and I was considered a womanizer in my time. I behaved badly early in my marriage with my recently departed wife. I had a good job, was mestizo and able to seduce a few women, but I never heard anyone berate me for my indiscretions. It seemed normal that a relatively successful man would have a mistress or mistresses in succession.
As I look back, I was immature and selfish and paid for it dearly through the pain I caused my wife. She tried to kill herself while I was having a tryst abroad with my then girlfriend, whom she knew. I was contrite, behaved better toward her after that, and tried to make it up to her until she died.
But it took a lot of work for me not to look at or seduce another woman. Had I lost my wife then, I’d never have forgiven myself.
But it’s the judgmental who wrote vicious comments on your online column that bear scrutiny. I’ve learned in my long life that it is best to look at everyone kindly because we are not privy to the minds of these so-called “immorals.” We have no idea what their issues are, and how they are coping, as I did. Who are we to judge from the outside?
Exactly my sentiments. I am reminded of that story when a mob brought a supposed adulterer to Jesus for Him to judge, and He quietly said: “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone.”
Isn’t it arrogant how many sit on their high horses in judgment, wagging their finger at other human beings for being weak and succumbing to relationships they shouldn’t be in? It is the absurdity of feeling high and mighty, not cognizant that the same fate could befall them anytime.
It is of course not right to cause pain to a wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend while still in a relationship with any of them. But such things happen, and if Cupid’s dart hits the bulls-eye, there isn’t much one can do to avoid it. Life is a huge tease, because seduction has a way of wrapping itself around your mind.
If it is a sin, as many would judge it to be, take heart with what Pope Francis said recently: “There is no sin that God’s mercy cannot reach.”
Let’s not be too hard on ourselves, or on others. Life is just too short to be unhappy.