Dear Emily,

I’m a 59-year-old mother of four adult children—three sons and an only daughter. Two of my sons came out as gay a few years ago, and recently my daughter now identifies herself as a man. She even changed her name and wants to be referred to as a “he.” She is planning to undergo a sex-change operation in Thailand.

This is a nightmare! Where did I do wrong? My husband and I gave them a good life and raised them as good Catholics. Some people said my sons turned gay because they grew up close to me while my daughter was close to her father.

It’s wrong for a person to change his or her gender. A man should be with a woman and vice versa. I love my children, but it’s hard for me to accept the situation. This is a sin against God. If I tolerate my children’s sexual orientations, does that make me a bad Catholic?

CONFLICTED MOTHER

What is this doom and gloom about gays? Did they suddenly turn into the living dead or some abominable creature? Why is it a sin to be one? Was it carved in the tablets that came down from the mountain with Moses?

Had your children become drug dealers, political assassins or joined the martilyo gang that’s robbing banks and malls, even I would join you in condemning their sordidness.

But your three gay children are just following their instincts and are not being a nuisance to anybody. Sure, they’ve caused you heartache and headache, but you’re their mother and you’ll come around to understanding them when you’re ready.

You can be a bad Catholic or a bad anything—if you continue to judge your children’s behavior through the prism of a blocked off mind. It’s not a crime that they can’t change what they are, just as you cannot change the fact that you are their natural mother. Nothing went wrong. We are all God’s creation and He didn’t make a mistake in any of us.

And can we please leave God out of this debate? Didn’t He Himself write on the sand the admonition: Judge not, so as not to be judged?
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