Dear Emily,

I was the only normal child in my family. My two brothers and one sister were born with physical deformities and learning disabilities.

My parents were so poor they never went to school. Their own parents farmed other people’s land. My mother could only write her name while my father was barely able to read.

I was adopted by a childless family they had owed money to, and lived with them in Manila since I was barely two years old. I studied in good schools and traveled with them abroad. Since then, I hardly knew my own family as they were never mentioned in conversations.

In college, I was lucky enough to be considered pretty and met a guy who fell madly in love with me. He comes from a wealthy Chinese family involved in a huge real estate company. I never mentioned to them that I was adopted. It’s like my real parents never existed.

But in one serious conversation when marriage was already being discussed, my adoptive parents told me everything there was to know about my real family. They made sure that I knew of my siblings’ afflictions and that they were hereditary. They left it up to me to tell my boyfriend the truth.

I planned to tell him my real background after we had already married because I was afraid he and his parents would spurn me if they knew. He might leave me anyway down the road, but I didn’t want to lose him now.—Guilty

That doesn’t look like a very wise decision. Whatever happened to the “madly in love” bit he was professing? Aren’t you shortchanging him by not proving his worth to you?

There’s nothing you can do about your family’s affliction. That’s your luck of the draw! But did he think you’re just this well-packaged beauty with no imperfections at all? That’s a dream—not reality at all!

Why not tell him the bitter truth and see how his maturity holds and what he can take.

If you actually married him with this secret, do you think he’ll never find out? With or without a ring, he can always drop you with a thud if he wanted to keep his lineage pure and untainted by physical aberration.

Marriage is already complex as it is. Why add the burden of this unnecessary mystery?
Don’t court more unhappiness by your cowardice. Bite the bullet and bear its consequences. Just be honest. You’d be surprised at how strong a companion like truth will help you.

Write to [email protected] or [email protected].