I’ve been married two years, but my husband and I are living separately due to our work. He is in Manila while I am in the Visayas. We’ve actually had this arrangement for three years, even before we got married. We were okay with this setup until last year.
That July, my husband asked me to open his Facebook account and play one of the games there. I had a look at his message inbox and discovered the chat messages he had with a girl. In one of their exchanges, the girl asked why he was up at 4 a.m. My husband’s reply was “thinking of you.”
When I confronted my husband about it, he said it was just meant to be a joke because he couldn’t think of anything better to say. We quarreled but got over it.
On his birthday in August, this same girl asked him if he was going to have a party, to which he replied, “No party. Nobody loves me.” The girl answered, “Many love you, you just don’t know it.” To which he replied, “Where and who are they?”
I could not understand why he had to reply that way. It’s as if he wanted the girl to say something. This December, I asked my husband if he was still chatting with the girl after the July incident. His reply was “no.” But I know he was lying.
Is my husband cheating on me? Does he harbor feelings other than friendship toward the girl?
—WIFE IN LIMBO
Is the Pope catholic? Of course he is flirting with her. And in a very sophomoric way, at that! Are those lines still being used beyond high school? You’d be blind not to read their flirtation in neon lights.
You two should theoretically still be in your honeymoon stage. Clearly, you’re comfortable with this together but separated arrangement. Didn’t you say you were in this state before your marriage? Could your husband be perpetuating the bachelor mentality he never got out of in spite of this marriage to you? In a way, why shouldn’t he? He has the best of both worlds!
You wouldn’t have known his “other” life had he not invited you to peek into it; there must be a compelling reason for asking you to play that “game.” Is he, in a way, telling you to shape up or ship out?
Are you yourself content with this separation? Is there no way one of you could join the other and be truly together as man and wife and not only in name? Couldn’t one of you give in and make the sacrifice to be together in one place? How difficult is that?
It’s not like your fortunes are already carved in stone, and the family would take a tremendous beating if anything is changed. You two seem to be still young, and can uproot yourselves and start life anywhere you want.
Instead of laying a strong foundation for your young marriage and working at what will make it succeed, you are focusing on this Internet flirtation. It could just be his lame excuse for coping with loneliness. And since you’ve always had this itinerant relationship, there is this tease, this companionship your husband found in cyberspace, who is at his beck and call, at the touch of the keypad, to stoke his ego!
This Facebook flirtation seems to be just the tip of the iceberg and should be the least of your worries now. There is something gnawing at this marriage, which you should be able to clearly see.